Sunday, November 24, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
And it's pretty much what I've been saying all along, but people didn't listen to me, because the researchers have had this idea that people on the autism spectrum cannot possibly have any worthwhile imput, perspective or useful information to share about what goes on inside our heads or what being autistic is really like.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
My blog paints such a depressing picture; the truth is that generally speaking, my life has never been easy. As time has gone on, the many traumas have built up to the point where I'm getting triggered nearly every day, particularly in regard to anything relating to loss or rejection. My reactions are always out of proportion to the event itself, because it's not just the event or comment that I'm upset about, it's every horrible thing that I just got reminded of. All these horrible things happened, and it seems as though I'm suddenly being asked to have faith that this time, things are better and nothing horrible will happen. Alas, reliving trauma, being in a triggered state, isn't rational, and at that point, my rational mind has been completely overruled, however much I might need or want for it to be there.
I wish, that when I get like that, instead of trying to reason with me (impossible), he'd just hold me, tell me I'm having an anxiety attack and that it will be over soon. He always tries to speak sensibly to me, which is pretty much an exercise in frustration for us both, at least as long as I'm triggered. However- after all this shit, all this raw pain, he never runs away or dumps me, and a lot of men, lesser men, would. When the nightmare fades, he's still there. Sometimes I wonder why he tolerates it at all, and in the end, the only conclusion I can come up with is that he must actually care about me.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Yes. It is not a personal insult if I disagree or debate a certain topic. In fact, it's a compliment. Because, as stated, if it is total unworthy BS, it's not worth discussing. That's not to say I can't argue, but there is a difference, and not all disagreement is arguing.