I finally found a valerian plant and a packet of Lemon Gem marigolds. We have enough tomato plants already, having grown them from seed since February (probably 25 plants comprising over 15 varieties) but I couldn't resist buying one anyway since I've never seen or heard of it before: Brown Berry. Doesn't that sound perfectly awful? It's supposed to be small fruited, very sweet, and...brown. I saw a corylus contorta, which I'd wanted, but passed on it, I couldn't justify it at $40, especially with no place to put it.
Also we went to an arboretum today with the baby. I've already deduced that he isn't all that crazy about flowers. He did like the arboretum though; was amused by pocket gophers running around and seemed to like the various trees, even the flowering ones. There were several very large trees with branches touching or almost touching the ground. When I was a kid, trees like that we common. Now it's an experience for the poor kid to be awed and enthralled by as most of them have been logged. I also got to see my friend, the stewartia pseudocamellia and the lovely ginkgos. There are no other stewartias in the park so that tree will probably never make seed- they aren't very common.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Spring...sweet spring
We've been out and about a lot looking at plant life (stores, woods, other people's gardens, etc). The fritillaries are really drawing me in this year. We saw, oh...must have been about a hundred of them...Frittilaria pudica on a sunny, rocky hillside near HWY 2, F melagris here in our own garden (e also have F. Persica, but it isn't in bloom this year, and possibly F raddeana if it lived, which I doubt), F. Imperialis and F. michailovskyi (I think) at the Healing Garden in Sandpoint. These are really enchanting little plants. I am thinking I'd like to have a small bed specifically for fritillaries and to try to collect as many as we can find. Since they only bloom in spring, I suppose we'd ether have to plant other bulbs or perennials, or perhaps a loose groundcover such as Vinca that they could push up through easily. Some that I haven't seen in person yet include F. pallidiflora, uva vulpis, acmopetala,and F verticillata (which strike me as especially interesting because it is a climbing fritillary with curling tendrils! How cool is that?)
Looking at other people's gardens on a regular basis (i.e., while driving or walking by) is useful because it gives one food for thought, a chance to see what you do and don't like. It is much better to observe results in someone else's yard if you can, than to unwittingly create another catastrophe or what I would call a "white bread" garden. I've decided I don't like the following :
Plants I am stilling looking for:
Looking at other people's gardens on a regular basis (i.e., while driving or walking by) is useful because it gives one food for thought, a chance to see what you do and don't like. It is much better to observe results in someone else's yard if you can, than to unwittingly create another catastrophe or what I would call a "white bread" garden. I've decided I don't like the following :
- Single plant width rows of any bulb, especially tulips
- Plants massed right at the edge of the property in a meager little 12" wide bed.
- Anything planted in single width rows, with the exception of espaliered fruit trees and trees planted as an allee`. Smaller things just look pathetic and pitiful in sparse, skimpy rows. Lilacs might work though, because they're full and billowing.
- Roses spaced exactly so apart, more so if it is also a grid. If they're all the same height (24" -36") it becomes even more disgusting. Group them! Plant other things with them!
- Most hanging baskets dripping with petunias. I sometimes do see one that I like. Red, white and blue color scheme hanging baskets are particularly nasty.
- Prostrate or low growing evergreens planted at the edge of a lawn or corner, all by themselves, or right next to a building. They look shitty by themselves. They need the contrast of another shape nearby to give them character. This could be a columnar evergreen, a boulder, or another shrub or tree carefully selected. If they just perch there like that, all alone, they look like old scruffy doormats..even worse if some careless person has whacked them with the lawnmower or if grass has grown up through it.
- Concrete landscaping blocks, statues, etc...except when such has been aged with mosses, weathering, etc. Colored concrete is, IMO, as trashy as you can get without succumbing to baling twine or old tires or plastic lawn ornaments.
Plants I am stilling looking for:
- valerian
- Lemon Gem type marigolds- the edible signet marigolds.
- Corkscrew Corylus
- Species clematis
- comfrey (yes, comfrey)
Monday, May 12, 2008
Back again.
Ok folks. I've opened it back up again now that the custody case has been resolved (for the time being, anyway). As you can see, I haven't been terribly busy here in the interim; along with the court case, there was a college class, all sorts of medical appointments for six kids, 40 hours of work a week, a little bit of gardening, and more assorted obligations and tasks than I want to think about right now.
However, my next class is Psychology 101 (I think) which should be fairly easy, so things should pick up here in a week or so....assuming I don't get caught up in a last minute planting frenzy (food's getting more expensive all the time). I've gotten to appreciate algebra somewhat, but it just hasn't been my favorite subject.....
However, my next class is Psychology 101 (I think) which should be fairly easy, so things should pick up here in a week or so....assuming I don't get caught up in a last minute planting frenzy (food's getting more expensive all the time). I've gotten to appreciate algebra somewhat, but it just hasn't been my favorite subject.....
Saturday, May 03, 2008
I think you might be surprised, dear reader, to learn that I'm now friendly to the woman I was so annoyed by at the library. She's actually become one of my favorite customers. I'm like that a lot. I frequently develop hasty, poorly thought out aversions to people for petty reasons, and then recant at a later date. It makes me ashamed of myself at times.
What else?
We've planted all the large trees- apples (which will be espaliered here as well, no room for them otherwise), cherry, magnolia stellata, Japanese maple, chokecherry, apple seedlings, and hazelnut. I've also replanted most of the bulbs. Still forlornly awaiting reunion with their mother earth: the roses, daylilies, herbs (primarily lemon balm, marjoram, and peppermint) and various perennials. I got a few things planted this morning, but I haven't been feeling that well, so....all in good time.
I find myself pining for goats and sheep. I could do more with the sheep as I love to spin, dye, knit, crochet, and weave the finished yarn, but the goats are my true love....even though I can't drink the milk. Yes, I do realize I could raise Angoras or Cashmeres. For me it really isn't about the product, it's the animal. I don't feel like myself without them. At any rate, it's a wound which is unlikely to heal quickly, as land here is still outrageously priced and the zoning regs illogically allow predatory animals which attack people, pets, and wildlife and make lots of noise at night and whose poop you can't use for gardens, but prohibit any species which has even remote practical uses, such as rabbits.
Math is going badly even though I got the Midterm worked out. I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of factoring trinomials or quadratic equations. I have read the math book over and over.....and it just is not making sense to me. The finals are in less than a week....eeek. If I really want to be a botanist, I have got to nail this.
Also, I haven't painted or even drawn anything in months. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will again, or will it be like the goat, an essential part of me amputated and left to die alongside the rat race highway.
And I think that if I can just get a spinning wheel and buy or barter for some wool, I'll salvage something of what I'm missing. I'll at least have the scent of the animal......
This is all sounding so morose, and I don't mean for it to. I just really need to find a different line of work, and my body is so shot that it can't be the outdoorsy grunt work which I'd otherwise be perfectly happy to do. Yeah, I think I need to get out tomorrow morning and garden...otherwise I'm going to get depressed if I continue thinking about these things.
What else?
We've planted all the large trees- apples (which will be espaliered here as well, no room for them otherwise), cherry, magnolia stellata, Japanese maple, chokecherry, apple seedlings, and hazelnut. I've also replanted most of the bulbs. Still forlornly awaiting reunion with their mother earth: the roses, daylilies, herbs (primarily lemon balm, marjoram, and peppermint) and various perennials. I got a few things planted this morning, but I haven't been feeling that well, so....all in good time.
I find myself pining for goats and sheep. I could do more with the sheep as I love to spin, dye, knit, crochet, and weave the finished yarn, but the goats are my true love....even though I can't drink the milk. Yes, I do realize I could raise Angoras or Cashmeres. For me it really isn't about the product, it's the animal. I don't feel like myself without them. At any rate, it's a wound which is unlikely to heal quickly, as land here is still outrageously priced and the zoning regs illogically allow predatory animals which attack people, pets, and wildlife and make lots of noise at night and whose poop you can't use for gardens, but prohibit any species which has even remote practical uses, such as rabbits.
Math is going badly even though I got the Midterm worked out. I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of factoring trinomials or quadratic equations. I have read the math book over and over.....and it just is not making sense to me. The finals are in less than a week....eeek. If I really want to be a botanist, I have got to nail this.
Also, I haven't painted or even drawn anything in months. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will again, or will it be like the goat, an essential part of me amputated and left to die alongside the rat race highway.
And I think that if I can just get a spinning wheel and buy or barter for some wool, I'll salvage something of what I'm missing. I'll at least have the scent of the animal......
This is all sounding so morose, and I don't mean for it to. I just really need to find a different line of work, and my body is so shot that it can't be the outdoorsy grunt work which I'd otherwise be perfectly happy to do. Yeah, I think I need to get out tomorrow morning and garden...otherwise I'm going to get depressed if I continue thinking about these things.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
I got moved out. Tim had left a lot (a LOT!) of junk, including toxic waste, behind, and I just wasn't able to dispose of it all, so I do feel bad about that. Moreover, he made a big deal over wanting his stuff back, but conveniently left behind most of his stuff, and merely high-graded it. Why, WHY, was it my responsibility to get rid of the stuff he didn't want? It wasn't. The snow didn't help (large snowdrift obstructing doorways and access to the place) and neither did the huge ponderosa pine which was felled and then just left there, blocking half the driveway. I had to climb over its limbs, which were treacherously covered with mounds of snow, in order to get the stuff out of the shed. Alright, so I'm sounding defensive....because I do feel guilty. :sigh:
School...some mistake, mine, the software's, or the teacher's, has been made. The software shows my grades as being 91%, the teacher says I have a D. I've been working really hard, I don't comprehend how I could have a D. I emailed the instructor. I am so upset over this.
The tomato seedlings are pressed eagerly against the grow lights. We also have some which are still germinating. The largest plants have flowerbuds already, and outside....snow. Egad. Perhaps I'll have to plant them in large pots or buckets.
The custody battle: another thing which is tying my stomach in knots. I have no illusions about my being the world's most perfect parent. Unlike the child's father, at least I'm honest on this point, but on the other hand, I don't have a history of nearly killing the poor kid, either. I also have a spotlessly clean criminal record and no history of drug or alcohol abuse, or even cigarettes. I love my child and have taken pains to get him the medical treatment, diagnosis, and therapy he needs, as well as making an ongoing effort to strive for improvement and continually look for ways in which we can help him realize his full potential (he has Asperger's too). That doesn't seem to be enough...or maybe I'm feeling defensive...again.
You can't win by playing the defensive position, yet that's how I go through life, always scared, always on the defense, constantly apprehensive over one thing or the other. I know better than this from playing chess, from showing goats, from everything I've done well in, actually. Yet, isn't the fear what drives me? Every failure or shortcoming I've ever made replays itself over and over again in my mind, perpetually. It's why I feel anxious, it's why I try so hard, it's why I feel defensive, and it's why very few people can harm me with criticism- their wounds are never as deep as the ones I inflict every day upon myself, so quietly, so privately. They think I'm oblivious, dreamy, content....they don't know....that behind that mask there's a very active and continual refining process at work. The question is never one of not knowing my faults; it's of where to begin today, which part of the puzzle to solve first.
School...some mistake, mine, the software's, or the teacher's, has been made. The software shows my grades as being 91%, the teacher says I have a D. I've been working really hard, I don't comprehend how I could have a D. I emailed the instructor. I am so upset over this.
The tomato seedlings are pressed eagerly against the grow lights. We also have some which are still germinating. The largest plants have flowerbuds already, and outside....snow. Egad. Perhaps I'll have to plant them in large pots or buckets.
The custody battle: another thing which is tying my stomach in knots. I have no illusions about my being the world's most perfect parent. Unlike the child's father, at least I'm honest on this point, but on the other hand, I don't have a history of nearly killing the poor kid, either. I also have a spotlessly clean criminal record and no history of drug or alcohol abuse, or even cigarettes. I love my child and have taken pains to get him the medical treatment, diagnosis, and therapy he needs, as well as making an ongoing effort to strive for improvement and continually look for ways in which we can help him realize his full potential (he has Asperger's too). That doesn't seem to be enough...or maybe I'm feeling defensive...again.
You can't win by playing the defensive position, yet that's how I go through life, always scared, always on the defense, constantly apprehensive over one thing or the other. I know better than this from playing chess, from showing goats, from everything I've done well in, actually. Yet, isn't the fear what drives me? Every failure or shortcoming I've ever made replays itself over and over again in my mind, perpetually. It's why I feel anxious, it's why I try so hard, it's why I feel defensive, and it's why very few people can harm me with criticism- their wounds are never as deep as the ones I inflict every day upon myself, so quietly, so privately. They think I'm oblivious, dreamy, content....they don't know....that behind that mask there's a very active and continual refining process at work. The question is never one of not knowing my faults; it's of where to begin today, which part of the puzzle to solve first.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Well, I haven't written here in months, and there's a reason: I'm in the midst of a custody battle over the baby. I could waste time making a lot of nasty comments about his alcoholic father, but I'm not going to bother. I don't even care...I just want my kid to be OK and happy.
Also, I have until the 15th of the month to finish moving out of my old place and I have no idea how I'll do that. The manager that hates me (I've decided that he does, after all) refuses to give me even one extra day off between now and the 15th. I didn't ask for a paid day off, sick leave, or any such thing...only to work for 3 or 4 days instead of 5. He mor eor less told me to deal with it, period. Making life even more difficult is the fact that I have a dental appt scheduled for the day I wanted/needed off...and it's slated for 10:40 while he has me scheduled to work at noon. He will probably fire me if I'm not there on time, the appointment will probably take much longer than an hour, I scheduled it some 2 months ago, would have to wait another 2 months if I reschedule it, and my teeth are already hurting me and are in serious disrepair. I cannot wait two months for another appointment, and even if I did, who's to say he'll give me that day off? I don't think I'm asking for a miracle here.
As for moving...I suppose I will have to do it before and after work and he had better not bitch if I'm half asleep, tired, worn out, in pain (hips) or less than perfectly groomed. I've got hundreds of dollars in plant meterial to move and I'll be damned if I'm just going to let it sit there and die of neglect due to his control trips. God, I hate him. I don't care any more if he hates me or not and why (I've never done a thing to him)... I hate him for his petty favoritism and unfairness, for allowing his pet to do her homework on the bosses computer on their dime, but chewing me out for reading a book for 5 minutes late at night discreetly at my register when there were no customers....for giving the people he likes every accomodation imaginable and then pulling stuff like this on me...for discriminating against me....I hate him, I hate him. I wish he would go on vacation for a week or two.
Also, I have until the 15th of the month to finish moving out of my old place and I have no idea how I'll do that. The manager that hates me (I've decided that he does, after all) refuses to give me even one extra day off between now and the 15th. I didn't ask for a paid day off, sick leave, or any such thing...only to work for 3 or 4 days instead of 5. He mor eor less told me to deal with it, period. Making life even more difficult is the fact that I have a dental appt scheduled for the day I wanted/needed off...and it's slated for 10:40 while he has me scheduled to work at noon. He will probably fire me if I'm not there on time, the appointment will probably take much longer than an hour, I scheduled it some 2 months ago, would have to wait another 2 months if I reschedule it, and my teeth are already hurting me and are in serious disrepair. I cannot wait two months for another appointment, and even if I did, who's to say he'll give me that day off? I don't think I'm asking for a miracle here.
As for moving...I suppose I will have to do it before and after work and he had better not bitch if I'm half asleep, tired, worn out, in pain (hips) or less than perfectly groomed. I've got hundreds of dollars in plant meterial to move and I'll be damned if I'm just going to let it sit there and die of neglect due to his control trips. God, I hate him. I don't care any more if he hates me or not and why (I've never done a thing to him)... I hate him for his petty favoritism and unfairness, for allowing his pet to do her homework on the bosses computer on their dime, but chewing me out for reading a book for 5 minutes late at night discreetly at my register when there were no customers....for giving the people he likes every accomodation imaginable and then pulling stuff like this on me...for discriminating against me....I hate him, I hate him. I wish he would go on vacation for a week or two.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
OK, I finally had to get headphones with music (NPR). The sniffling, snuffling woman still hasn't learned how to blow her nose, and she's here again, at the same time.
My dog vanished, the person who volunteered to take my kids to school yesterday didn't (I can't get too upset about this since they had no reason to do so except generosity, but it would have been nice to know if they weren't going to), the kids messed up the house while I was at work, and I just feel... all unsettled inside, sort of restless, distracted. Probably it's related to drinking lattes towards the end of my shift (about 8PM). I'll cut that out and see if it helps.
Trouble at work seems to be resolved now: apparently my register was routinely coming up short of money, sometimes as much as $200 short! There is no way I'd ever steal from the store, and when they mentioned this problem to me, they said that they suspected that perhaps I was making mistakes. Mistakes involving deficits of $200??! I asked if the register was ever over, and the answer was no, not really. It seemed that overnight, the bosses and managers were aloof, suspicious, unfriendly, cold......and I could tell that they were getting ready to fire me. I asked all kinds of questions, trying to figure out how in the hell I could be making mistakes like that on a daily basis that woudl lose large amounts of money but not ever add any, and the longer I brooded on it, the clearer it became that it just could not have happened. Someone was/is stealing, and it sure as hell wasn't me, but I had no way to prove it.
I think I have it all figured out. The girl who worked right next to me almost every day was a crackhead...we all knew that (I really think the store out to do mandatory drug testing on all new employees), and she was constantly cleaning my area when I was on break or lunch. Spare money was (isn't anymore, thanks to my bringing the problem to the attention of the bosses) kept in another, unlocked drawer in case we ran out. The amount was enough that yes, $200 could easily have gone missing in a single day. Anyway, this gal disappeared one day, just never showed up for work, and since she's been gone my register has balanced out just fine. The bosses are friendly and relaxed towards me again, and I'm not sweating every second of the day, worrying if this will be the end.....
Lastly, of three large ponderosa pines which are all coming out (orders of the landlord), one is down, and the next two will be coming down this week. He just told me to dig that they're pretty much coming down right on top of my perennial bed. :-( I don't know what to do about that yet....
My dog vanished, the person who volunteered to take my kids to school yesterday didn't (I can't get too upset about this since they had no reason to do so except generosity, but it would have been nice to know if they weren't going to), the kids messed up the house while I was at work, and I just feel... all unsettled inside, sort of restless, distracted. Probably it's related to drinking lattes towards the end of my shift (about 8PM). I'll cut that out and see if it helps.
Trouble at work seems to be resolved now: apparently my register was routinely coming up short of money, sometimes as much as $200 short! There is no way I'd ever steal from the store, and when they mentioned this problem to me, they said that they suspected that perhaps I was making mistakes. Mistakes involving deficits of $200??! I asked if the register was ever over, and the answer was no, not really. It seemed that overnight, the bosses and managers were aloof, suspicious, unfriendly, cold......and I could tell that they were getting ready to fire me. I asked all kinds of questions, trying to figure out how in the hell I could be making mistakes like that on a daily basis that woudl lose large amounts of money but not ever add any, and the longer I brooded on it, the clearer it became that it just could not have happened. Someone was/is stealing, and it sure as hell wasn't me, but I had no way to prove it.
I think I have it all figured out. The girl who worked right next to me almost every day was a crackhead...we all knew that (I really think the store out to do mandatory drug testing on all new employees), and she was constantly cleaning my area when I was on break or lunch. Spare money was (isn't anymore, thanks to my bringing the problem to the attention of the bosses) kept in another, unlocked drawer in case we ran out. The amount was enough that yes, $200 could easily have gone missing in a single day. Anyway, this gal disappeared one day, just never showed up for work, and since she's been gone my register has balanced out just fine. The bosses are friendly and relaxed towards me again, and I'm not sweating every second of the day, worrying if this will be the end.....
Lastly, of three large ponderosa pines which are all coming out (orders of the landlord), one is down, and the next two will be coming down this week. He just told me to dig that they're pretty much coming down right on top of my perennial bed. :-( I don't know what to do about that yet....
Monday, October 01, 2007
Arrgh, I am at the library, and everyone is making noise! Grrr! Sniff, snort, snuffle, mumble, sniff, whispering, throat-clearing....oh, it is driving me nuts.
Yeah, I'm irritable. People always tell me to "just tune it out", but I can't. Just the presence of them is bothering me, LOL.
Today is "hick day" in Priest River, part of "spirit week" for the local schools. This means that I can dress up as a hick for work. I am sorely tempted to make a total parody of it, but probably shouldn't (have to retain the job, after all). I don't know where to get a ratty old beer T-shirt or bleach-blonde wig with long stringy hair. Hmmmmm, hmmmmm...... Failing that, I think I can come up with a skin tight T-shirt and a wool plaid shirt....maybe a faded bandana for my hair. And then, the make-up. Abundant eyeliner, mascara, thick and flaking foundation, bright lipstick, and something to make my front teeth look rotten. That would round it all out perfectly, especially with a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of the shirt, or a can of chew, and horrendous grammar. Oh, dear....:giggle: Man, I just can't. They'll have to settle for the boots, work pants, and wool shirt.
Jesus, I wish the woman a chair away from me would go to the bathroom and blow her damned nose!!!!!! OK, now another one sat down right next to me, and she smells strongly like shampoo. I am wondering why someone doesn't manufacture scent-free shampoo, or perhaps I haven't found it. It isn't like hair that is otherwise clean smells bad. Rainwater. I should collect rainwater. I wonder if it would start to get stale and smelly if stored. Not all shampoo smells bad to me....but when everything (shampoo, hair products in general, soaps, deodorants, laundry detergents, hand lotions, etc) is scented.....even if one doesn't wear any other scent such as perfume, you're already bathed in it. I worry about this, whether I smell like flowery dreck to other folks.
It's the strangest thing, I smell other people, but I have no idea what I myself smell like.
Yeah, I'm irritable. People always tell me to "just tune it out", but I can't. Just the presence of them is bothering me, LOL.
Today is "hick day" in Priest River, part of "spirit week" for the local schools. This means that I can dress up as a hick for work. I am sorely tempted to make a total parody of it, but probably shouldn't (have to retain the job, after all). I don't know where to get a ratty old beer T-shirt or bleach-blonde wig with long stringy hair. Hmmmmm, hmmmmm...... Failing that, I think I can come up with a skin tight T-shirt and a wool plaid shirt....maybe a faded bandana for my hair. And then, the make-up. Abundant eyeliner, mascara, thick and flaking foundation, bright lipstick, and something to make my front teeth look rotten. That would round it all out perfectly, especially with a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of the shirt, or a can of chew, and horrendous grammar. Oh, dear....:giggle: Man, I just can't. They'll have to settle for the boots, work pants, and wool shirt.
Jesus, I wish the woman a chair away from me would go to the bathroom and blow her damned nose!!!!!! OK, now another one sat down right next to me, and she smells strongly like shampoo. I am wondering why someone doesn't manufacture scent-free shampoo, or perhaps I haven't found it. It isn't like hair that is otherwise clean smells bad. Rainwater. I should collect rainwater. I wonder if it would start to get stale and smelly if stored. Not all shampoo smells bad to me....but when everything (shampoo, hair products in general, soaps, deodorants, laundry detergents, hand lotions, etc) is scented.....even if one doesn't wear any other scent such as perfume, you're already bathed in it. I worry about this, whether I smell like flowery dreck to other folks.
It's the strangest thing, I smell other people, but I have no idea what I myself smell like.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Woo-hoo! Looks like the car repair problems will finally be resolved. I was able to procure a credit card. While I posess an inherent antipathy for the things, in this case it appears to be the only choice left, short of groveling ad nauseum until I could get someone to co-sign with me for a loan. Obviously this route is more dignified and independent.
::happy::happy::happy::
::happy::happy::happy::
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Got a few more minutes left (at the library, when Tim left he took his computer, too). I'm finally to a point where I can organize the house, get rid of excess junk, cook what I want to, and regain some sanity. I need to get the strawberries and irises (given to me by a former co-worker) in the ground ASAP.
Groan....it's going to take me a while to walk from here to home to the store and my hips are already sore...before 8 hours of standing on them on concrete. I'd better get home and at least eat something first.
Groan....it's going to take me a while to walk from here to home to the store and my hips are already sore...before 8 hours of standing on them on concrete. I'd better get home and at least eat something first.
Wait! Do I really want to go through life as a mask, playing a role, a facade? For what? To make other people happy? So they'll like me? That's twisted, because even if it worked (I'm no good at faking in the first place, however much I wear myself out trying), they still wouldn't like *me*, just the flipping mask. No.
And, maybe there aren't people who will like me the way I am, maybe there isn't even one, but it's still better than playing a role, putting on a phony face (at times literally) in lame attempts at inclusion, because in doing so, one sacrifices their own integrity.
I'm not talking about character flaws, issues, things that can be worked on. I think those things are entirely reasonable to strive for improvement in.
And, maybe there aren't people who will like me the way I am, maybe there isn't even one, but it's still better than playing a role, putting on a phony face (at times literally) in lame attempts at inclusion, because in doing so, one sacrifices their own integrity.
I'm not talking about character flaws, issues, things that can be worked on. I think those things are entirely reasonable to strive for improvement in.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Well, I'm offline for a while except for the library (as now). The tomatoes have all been picked ( I think I may have posted that already last time?) and I've been freezing them. The plan for the newly vacated bed they were in is kohlrabi, beets, possibility of kale or even peas...nah, I don't think there's enough time for peas...maybe spinach. The Rosa Rubrifolia seedlings are ready to divide into individual pots, and...let's see, what else....ah yes, the apple seedlings from the "Pink Lady" apple, and the Japanese maple. I am reluctant to plant it until it has been definitely ascertained that I'll be buying the place. Suppose I could buy another, but....pathetic as it sounds, I get pretty attached to my trees and other plant life. My treasured hemerocallis "Brocaded Gown" died this spring despite my best efforts to save it, and I'm still sort of upset about that. I'll probably make an order to Oakes Daylilies and get another one at some point.
I haven't made a lot of progress towards getting my car fixed. This is primarily because I have no major purchases on my credit history. I have no idea how people ever get major purchases on their history so that they then can take out loans or buy on credit (which, to be honest, has never been a priority for me since I view debt with fear and suspicion). I can only conclude that they've all had a parent or friend co-sign for them at some point in their life. And so now, when I see other people driving nice cars (which in my mind, is anything other than a junker), I think about how someone must have loved them very much sometime in their life. It makes me feel very lonely and isolated.
OK, so that's a pretty pathetic way to look at things.....
I haven't made a lot of progress towards getting my car fixed. This is primarily because I have no major purchases on my credit history. I have no idea how people ever get major purchases on their history so that they then can take out loans or buy on credit (which, to be honest, has never been a priority for me since I view debt with fear and suspicion). I can only conclude that they've all had a parent or friend co-sign for them at some point in their life. And so now, when I see other people driving nice cars (which in my mind, is anything other than a junker), I think about how someone must have loved them very much sometime in their life. It makes me feel very lonely and isolated.
OK, so that's a pretty pathetic way to look at things.....
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Well, my car broke down. It blew its head gasket. This is a real pain to deal with, not because I mind walking, but because the children are in need of transportation almost every single day. I need to get a running vehicle very, very soon.
I must have close to 10 gallons of tomatoes on my kitchen table right now. They could probably have stayed on the vines another week or two, but honestly...I didn't feel like I could afford to be wrong. Besides, picking them frees up room for fall crops of greens, beets, carrots...and I'm wondering if I could get away with peas or spinach.
Work is going really well. I love being a cashier, except for the crackheads and the occasional person who is both dumb and rude (an impossibly annoying combo). A guy came in today who had a fresh and clearly inflamed needle mark on his neck. He was all hyped up and jittering through the store...and as he walked away, I watched him. Not only was his color not good, his legs were stick thin, making his socks and shoes look too large for his body. It's sad. Handling all this money...from people like that, makes me extremely glad that I got hepatitis shots when I worked at the hospital. The money is so filthy. It leaves grayish marks all over my hands, gets into the cracks and crevices of my skin...makes me feel defiled. Ick. I don't mean only the money from the druggies, I mean all of it...it's dirty.
What else? Ah...I got a loom...not a little homemade deal that makes potholders or that sits on your table, but an honest to god floor loom, from the thrift store. I just happened to be there when the people who donated it unloaded it from their truck, and snapped it up as soon as it hit the ground, to the tune of $25. The lady who donated it was ticked, said she'd paid over $450 for it, used. I knwo how to weave, and I've always wanted aloom. In fact, I've been intending to build one, but I wasn't quite sure what to use for the heddle. This one had pedals and all that jazz...it also folds up for storage, which is handy. I feel like it was a splurge, but my mom sent me birthday money, so....and it isn't like it was something frivolous. I can use it to make rugs, blankets, shawls, clothing, tableclothes...heck, you can hardly get a new blanket for $25. I sort of wish I had a spinning wheel again, but maybe a few years down the line. For now I can just recycle and make rag rugs.
I've been cooking a lot more from scratch lately, partly due to the surge of fresh vegetables from the garden. A sampling of what we've been eating: fried green tomatoes, eggplant, and zucchini, fresh salsa, pasties. I hadn't had a pasty since I was in the Midwest...oh how the memories came flooding back. :-) I've dried about half the peppermint, need to do the other half, and the lemon balm, thyme, marjoram, sage....and to dig up the basil so it wont get frosted.
Midnight already?! Time for bed!
I must have close to 10 gallons of tomatoes on my kitchen table right now. They could probably have stayed on the vines another week or two, but honestly...I didn't feel like I could afford to be wrong. Besides, picking them frees up room for fall crops of greens, beets, carrots...and I'm wondering if I could get away with peas or spinach.
Work is going really well. I love being a cashier, except for the crackheads and the occasional person who is both dumb and rude (an impossibly annoying combo). A guy came in today who had a fresh and clearly inflamed needle mark on his neck. He was all hyped up and jittering through the store...and as he walked away, I watched him. Not only was his color not good, his legs were stick thin, making his socks and shoes look too large for his body. It's sad. Handling all this money...from people like that, makes me extremely glad that I got hepatitis shots when I worked at the hospital. The money is so filthy. It leaves grayish marks all over my hands, gets into the cracks and crevices of my skin...makes me feel defiled. Ick. I don't mean only the money from the druggies, I mean all of it...it's dirty.
What else? Ah...I got a loom...not a little homemade deal that makes potholders or that sits on your table, but an honest to god floor loom, from the thrift store. I just happened to be there when the people who donated it unloaded it from their truck, and snapped it up as soon as it hit the ground, to the tune of $25. The lady who donated it was ticked, said she'd paid over $450 for it, used. I knwo how to weave, and I've always wanted aloom. In fact, I've been intending to build one, but I wasn't quite sure what to use for the heddle. This one had pedals and all that jazz...it also folds up for storage, which is handy. I feel like it was a splurge, but my mom sent me birthday money, so....and it isn't like it was something frivolous. I can use it to make rugs, blankets, shawls, clothing, tableclothes...heck, you can hardly get a new blanket for $25. I sort of wish I had a spinning wheel again, but maybe a few years down the line. For now I can just recycle and make rag rugs.
I've been cooking a lot more from scratch lately, partly due to the surge of fresh vegetables from the garden. A sampling of what we've been eating: fried green tomatoes, eggplant, and zucchini, fresh salsa, pasties. I hadn't had a pasty since I was in the Midwest...oh how the memories came flooding back. :-) I've dried about half the peppermint, need to do the other half, and the lemon balm, thyme, marjoram, sage....and to dig up the basil so it wont get frosted.
Midnight already?! Time for bed!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
I occasionally wonder what I look like to other people, from the external eye so to speak. I try not to think about this too much. I know that I must look and sound like a total dork. I've seen the videos, and they make me want to hide indoors and never show my face in public again. The disconnect between what I think and the inadequacy of how I'm able to express it in speech (nowhere near as well as I can in writing), the way I feel and the face I present to the world (it seems blank, cold, robotic even when I don't feel that way, or otherwise, caricatured in its extremity), the gap between my inner identity and my external presentation is so wide that I don't feel like I can bridge it.
And I am desperate to share my true self with someone, and to truly know them, but there's this hideous shell around me, and I hate it. I wish I could shed my stuttering, awkward, inept ways like a carapace or an old skin, even if only for a few minutes or days, just long enough to matter, just long enough for someone to see I'm not really this ugly. My heart breaks within these confines, condemned to a solitary existence.
And I am desperate to share my true self with someone, and to truly know them, but there's this hideous shell around me, and I hate it. I wish I could shed my stuttering, awkward, inept ways like a carapace or an old skin, even if only for a few minutes or days, just long enough to matter, just long enough for someone to see I'm not really this ugly. My heart breaks within these confines, condemned to a solitary existence.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
So I've been reading a little more about dysthymia. Learning the cashiering routine has been a little stressful, and to my extreme chagrin I started crying in front of the customers yesterday (cringe). So today I downed some St John's wort before work, and I felt fine all day. I don't know how long it's going to take before I have medical insurance again, but I think in the meantime, it would be a good idea to adhere strictly to a regimen of St John's wort every day. It makes such a difference, and I sure as hell don't want to start crying in front of people again, ugh!
The thing of it is this: I can hardly remember a time when I haven't felt depressed. If I had to select a time when I felt happy, it would be first or second grade. You can see the difference in my school pictures; I went from this happy little kid to a morose, depressed looking child. Before that, I was undeniably strange, but I was *happy* and strange. This is consistent with the course that dysthymia often takes. It's like....like everything is covered in grey, well, almost everything. When I find something that isn't grey, that I feel strongly about, I get obsessed with it, addicted to the pleasant feeling associated with the activity, object, or person.
And now I wonder, when I feel that way about a person, am I really in love with him/her? Do I love them, or do I love the feelings they evoke in me? Maybe it's why I'm usually content to simply be in their proximity, usually not even broaching anything personal...just soaking up the happy vibes that being near them provides. Maybe I'm selfish that way.
I often fantasize of what it would be like if I were a type of ghost that could see, but not be seen, feel without being felt, hear without being heard, etc and follow the people I love around silently and unnoticed. I think I would be utterly happy with that, creepily enough. I would never have to risk rejection again, I could just be near them, love them, soak in the sound of the voice, a man's scent, and I'd have all the time in the world to hang around and hear their thoughts. I'd never have to grieve the absence of a loved one or to say goodbye, I could just follow along. And again, this seems somewhat selfish to me, because it absents myself from any sort of action except enjoying the aura of the other person. It would take all the pain out of loving someone, and if I think about it, all the responsibility. That's not very mature.
Bringing the thread back around to cashiering, it's actually working out a lot better than I had thought it would. I don't have to multi-task, the interactions with customers are limited to scripts ("Hi, how are you today?", "Thank you, have a nice day", etc), and there are no extended interactions with the other workers throughout the day as there were in the deli. My ability to remember numbers and to associate them with objects will be useful, and I don't have to obsess over sanitation. I was worried that I'd be bored there, but so far that hasn't been a problem. I've been slammed with customers pretty much all day long. One thing I'll need to work on is recognizing people. Today a guy bought a gift card for $100 and said he'd coem back for it. Well, after awhile I realized that not only had he not coem back for it yet, I had no idea what he looked like! Luckily, he was standing right in front of me (blush).
The thing of it is this: I can hardly remember a time when I haven't felt depressed. If I had to select a time when I felt happy, it would be first or second grade. You can see the difference in my school pictures; I went from this happy little kid to a morose, depressed looking child. Before that, I was undeniably strange, but I was *happy* and strange. This is consistent with the course that dysthymia often takes. It's like....like everything is covered in grey, well, almost everything. When I find something that isn't grey, that I feel strongly about, I get obsessed with it, addicted to the pleasant feeling associated with the activity, object, or person.
And now I wonder, when I feel that way about a person, am I really in love with him/her? Do I love them, or do I love the feelings they evoke in me? Maybe it's why I'm usually content to simply be in their proximity, usually not even broaching anything personal...just soaking up the happy vibes that being near them provides. Maybe I'm selfish that way.
I often fantasize of what it would be like if I were a type of ghost that could see, but not be seen, feel without being felt, hear without being heard, etc and follow the people I love around silently and unnoticed. I think I would be utterly happy with that, creepily enough. I would never have to risk rejection again, I could just be near them, love them, soak in the sound of the voice, a man's scent, and I'd have all the time in the world to hang around and hear their thoughts. I'd never have to grieve the absence of a loved one or to say goodbye, I could just follow along. And again, this seems somewhat selfish to me, because it absents myself from any sort of action except enjoying the aura of the other person. It would take all the pain out of loving someone, and if I think about it, all the responsibility. That's not very mature.
Bringing the thread back around to cashiering, it's actually working out a lot better than I had thought it would. I don't have to multi-task, the interactions with customers are limited to scripts ("Hi, how are you today?", "Thank you, have a nice day", etc), and there are no extended interactions with the other workers throughout the day as there were in the deli. My ability to remember numbers and to associate them with objects will be useful, and I don't have to obsess over sanitation. I was worried that I'd be bored there, but so far that hasn't been a problem. I've been slammed with customers pretty much all day long. One thing I'll need to work on is recognizing people. Today a guy bought a gift card for $100 and said he'd coem back for it. Well, after awhile I realized that not only had he not coem back for it yet, I had no idea what he looked like! Luckily, he was standing right in front of me (blush).
Sunday, August 05, 2007
In production in the garden:
plums
green beans
tomatoes (picked red ones already, it's been really hot here)
kale
carrots
beets
eggplants (yeah, that's how hot it's been)
peppers
broccoli
zuchinni
herbs of various sorts, including basil
The onions are spent. I pulled them and replanted the area with carrots and beets for a fall crop. All in all, it isn't doing too badly for 5 small raised beds in their first year of production. The apple and pear trees look like we'll be getting edible fruit this year, as do the European prune plums. It's amazing what a bit of pruning, weeding, and watering can do.
I'm returning to the grocery store. I'll be keeping two of my landscape customers for now, probably dropping one of them after a month or two (the bulk of the work will be finished by then) and keeping the other couple on a long term basis, because I really enjoy working for them. I'm very happy to be going back to the store, albeit slightly apprehensive. I like the landscaping, but the physical nature of the work, while enjoyable, is so taxing that I can't rack up 8 hour workdays on it anyway. I'm lucky if I make 6 without jeapordizing the next days performance. Besides, winter is coming on and I need medical insurance. I'll miss the landscaping, the option for creativity and ideas....but of course I can always implement all that on my own place.
plums
green beans
tomatoes (picked red ones already, it's been really hot here)
kale
carrots
beets
eggplants (yeah, that's how hot it's been)
peppers
broccoli
zuchinni
herbs of various sorts, including basil
The onions are spent. I pulled them and replanted the area with carrots and beets for a fall crop. All in all, it isn't doing too badly for 5 small raised beds in their first year of production. The apple and pear trees look like we'll be getting edible fruit this year, as do the European prune plums. It's amazing what a bit of pruning, weeding, and watering can do.
I'm returning to the grocery store. I'll be keeping two of my landscape customers for now, probably dropping one of them after a month or two (the bulk of the work will be finished by then) and keeping the other couple on a long term basis, because I really enjoy working for them. I'm very happy to be going back to the store, albeit slightly apprehensive. I like the landscaping, but the physical nature of the work, while enjoyable, is so taxing that I can't rack up 8 hour workdays on it anyway. I'm lucky if I make 6 without jeapordizing the next days performance. Besides, winter is coming on and I need medical insurance. I'll miss the landscaping, the option for creativity and ideas....but of course I can always implement all that on my own place.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I went to another voc rehab doctor appointment, this time to a psychologist. He seemed like a nice person. Anyway, an array of questions a history, more questions, and he informed me that not only do I have Asperger's, I also have dysthymic depression, another type that is more severe but fairly sporadic in my case, and post traumatic stress disorder. I've known for years I was depressed, that's no surprise, but the PTSD...wow. That actually makes a lot of sense. It really explains the severity and frequency of my panic/anxiety attacks, and a lot of other stuff that I had just attributed to the Asperger's. I am inclined to feel that these two are a bad combination: I get all stressed out and feel liek the world's falling on top of me, can't calm down, can't relax...and then all the aspie issues are not only compounded, but I feel that they actually prevent a rapid recovery from the anxiety. Well, that's my spiel on the matter anyway.
::sirens::...someone got hurt...or a fire? No, ambulance?....God, I hope it isn't one of my kids. That's so selfish of me...whoever it is, someone loves them like I love my own kids. At least they're getting help I guess.
Also, he ran an I.Q. test on me! That was a lot of fun. I wish I had studied for it, though. The worst of it: he recited a string of numbers, and I had to repeat them back to him in reverse order. Arrgh!!! There were too many to visualize easily, and besides the previous strings of numbers got tangled up in it. But there were all sorts of lovely visual puzzles and tests. I told him I juts hope the test doesn't score out lower than my previous one...that would be...disheartening. Numerical proof of diminishing intelligence....
There are a lot of social things I don't understand, but one thing I have noticed is that nearly all people are consistent in nature unless they're seriously mentally whacked or doing drugs, drunk, etc. For example, a person who is strong willed and mouthy in one area of her life will generally be that way elsewhere, too. Someone who bends and twists morality to suit his own ends in the realm of employment or business practices probably isn't going to be a very faithful mate- he'll find a reason why it's OK. People who are violent to animals are generally dangerous and intimidating, especially if they don't feel bad about it or give it a secodn thought, or do so needlessly, out of habit. People who are decent and calm even when they don't have to be, when they're in an advantageous position but decide that they [i]want[/i] to be that way...are probably inherently decent and have good character. People who have all sorts of rotten thing to say about racial minorities, gays, enviro-whackos, etc, are looking for an excuse to depsise humanity...not worth spending 5 minutes with.
That's my logic anyway. I feel sad. I'm tired of kvetching about how I deserve love and don't have it. Screw that. Love isn't something that's deserved anyway. It isn't a package with your name on it that can be plucked up lightly from a table and possessed. We've all seen people who didn't deserve it and got it anyway, just like so many other things in life. Stuff happens. Life, society, circumstances divide. It isn't fair but that's the way it goes. But that blue, that beautiful blue blurs through my mind...and I do feel sad.
::sirens::...someone got hurt...or a fire? No, ambulance?....God, I hope it isn't one of my kids. That's so selfish of me...whoever it is, someone loves them like I love my own kids. At least they're getting help I guess.
Also, he ran an I.Q. test on me! That was a lot of fun. I wish I had studied for it, though. The worst of it: he recited a string of numbers, and I had to repeat them back to him in reverse order. Arrgh!!! There were too many to visualize easily, and besides the previous strings of numbers got tangled up in it. But there were all sorts of lovely visual puzzles and tests. I told him I juts hope the test doesn't score out lower than my previous one...that would be...disheartening. Numerical proof of diminishing intelligence....
There are a lot of social things I don't understand, but one thing I have noticed is that nearly all people are consistent in nature unless they're seriously mentally whacked or doing drugs, drunk, etc. For example, a person who is strong willed and mouthy in one area of her life will generally be that way elsewhere, too. Someone who bends and twists morality to suit his own ends in the realm of employment or business practices probably isn't going to be a very faithful mate- he'll find a reason why it's OK. People who are violent to animals are generally dangerous and intimidating, especially if they don't feel bad about it or give it a secodn thought, or do so needlessly, out of habit. People who are decent and calm even when they don't have to be, when they're in an advantageous position but decide that they [i]want[/i] to be that way...are probably inherently decent and have good character. People who have all sorts of rotten thing to say about racial minorities, gays, enviro-whackos, etc, are looking for an excuse to depsise humanity...not worth spending 5 minutes with.
That's my logic anyway. I feel sad. I'm tired of kvetching about how I deserve love and don't have it. Screw that. Love isn't something that's deserved anyway. It isn't a package with your name on it that can be plucked up lightly from a table and possessed. We've all seen people who didn't deserve it and got it anyway, just like so many other things in life. Stuff happens. Life, society, circumstances divide. It isn't fair but that's the way it goes. But that blue, that beautiful blue blurs through my mind...and I do feel sad.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Got the tooth pulled. It turned out to be a lot more complicated than the last one. This tooth's roots were fused together at the tips. It had to be cracked apart in pieces, a truly unfun experience. Once I saw the pieces, the reason for the intense toothache was obvious. That tooth was awfully bad...I'm really surprised it didn't give me grief sooner. How many others are lurking in my mouth waiting to pull the same trick? Who knows?
And, I gave up on the bully Whippet idea. After a small amoutn of research and attempts to email local whippet breeders and ask about the bullies, I learned that Bullies apparently are not destroyed at birth immediately, at least, not typically. For one thing, you can't always tell right away at birth. For another, it seems that they go to pet homes. Also, they aren't as common as the article made them sound. Some Whippet breeders had never heard of bullies before. There's hardly an epidemic of them needing to be rescued by the likes of me.
Instead, I adopted a dog from the local animal shelter. I had a gut feeling that if I were patient and didn't get a dog impulsively, I would eventually find one that I really loved. I went into the dog area to view a puppy who was completely uninteresting to me, but in the adjacent pen, Jack Russels? Wow, two Jack Russel Terriers! They were happy to see me. I went in to meet them. One of them ran away as soon as she smelled goat on my pants leg (a goat gave birth that day). The other ran right up and I fell in love. :) Her name is Bebe, 5 years old, completely housebroken, no real vices, loves everyone in the fmaily except for being afraid of the baby who tried to grab/hit her (working on that) and is in every way the best dog I could ask for. I am so happy with her!
Anyway, I'm tired. Heading for bed.
And, I gave up on the bully Whippet idea. After a small amoutn of research and attempts to email local whippet breeders and ask about the bullies, I learned that Bullies apparently are not destroyed at birth immediately, at least, not typically. For one thing, you can't always tell right away at birth. For another, it seems that they go to pet homes. Also, they aren't as common as the article made them sound. Some Whippet breeders had never heard of bullies before. There's hardly an epidemic of them needing to be rescued by the likes of me.
Instead, I adopted a dog from the local animal shelter. I had a gut feeling that if I were patient and didn't get a dog impulsively, I would eventually find one that I really loved. I went into the dog area to view a puppy who was completely uninteresting to me, but in the adjacent pen, Jack Russels? Wow, two Jack Russel Terriers! They were happy to see me. I went in to meet them. One of them ran away as soon as she smelled goat on my pants leg (a goat gave birth that day). The other ran right up and I fell in love. :) Her name is Bebe, 5 years old, completely housebroken, no real vices, loves everyone in the fmaily except for being afraid of the baby who tried to grab/hit her (working on that) and is in every way the best dog I could ask for. I am so happy with her!
Anyway, I'm tired. Heading for bed.
Monday, July 02, 2007
_Oh_My_God._ The worst toothache in my life grabbed me by the face yesterday. I can only describe the pain as 10 on a scale of 1-10, and very similar to an electric shock tapped in directly to a very sensitive facial nerve. Jesus Christ. I went from happy one second to total, quivering, wreck the next. Got to love anxiety attacks + severe pain. Aside from wanting the pain to stop NOW, I found myself longing for something spandex that would squeeze me tightly, or for a lead blanket, or anything confining, to weigh me down, to make me feel safe. Ugh.
And so, for the first time in my life, I drank hard alcohol (Barcadi Rum, 151). It was the only thing that dulled the pain. Nasty stuff...raised up bumps all along my inner cheek and burned my mouth. I cannot conceive of drinking the sutff for pleasure. I mean, exactly what would be the appeal?
I've been screwed over by three customers in the past two weeks. And the lesson I've never quite learned is beginning to sink in slightly: if you don't defend yourself from users, they will keep right on using you, and noone else is going to do it for you. You have to defend yourself. It isn't wrong to do so even if the other people get angry and confrontational. In fact, it kind of feels good.
And so, for the first time in my life, I drank hard alcohol (Barcadi Rum, 151). It was the only thing that dulled the pain. Nasty stuff...raised up bumps all along my inner cheek and burned my mouth. I cannot conceive of drinking the sutff for pleasure. I mean, exactly what would be the appeal?
I've been screwed over by three customers in the past two weeks. And the lesson I've never quite learned is beginning to sink in slightly: if you don't defend yourself from users, they will keep right on using you, and noone else is going to do it for you. You have to defend yourself. It isn't wrong to do so even if the other people get angry and confrontational. In fact, it kind of feels good.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
:Relief: The book has been found. I should hurry and read all of it before it gets lost again. Ever notice how boring, non-essential, or superfluous items never seem to get lost? They just clutter space up. For example, if I am non-menstrual, the odds are extremely good that I will find tampons in every crevice of the bathroom, every drawer in my bedroom, in the basket on top of the microwave, in the glove box and (never used) ashtrays in the car, in my baskets of seashells, desk of art supplies, and on various windowsills throughout the house. It's almost as if they breed and place themselves in ideal locations for embarrassment in case anyone ever be brave enough to come and visit me. However, should I commence hemorrhaging with the only clean pair of work pants I have, they will all vanish abruptly. That's right. I swear they feel threatened and scurry off to hard to access places so that you have to go to the store and buy an entire box of companions for them. LOL.
More Murphy's law: so far, I have had the following parts replaced on my car in the past 2-3 weeeks:
Horticulture: Yesterday I planted St John's wort (ornamental, though possibly useful medicinally), a European hazelnut, another kniphofia, 2 columbines, and a heuchera. I've decided where to site the Japanese Maple, but will wait on that until fall. The maple has already had a disadvantaged life and I don't want to stress it out too badly by planting it in midsummer. The only reason I was willing to transplant the hazelnut was that it was an absolute steal ($16 for a 4 foot tree/shrub), and was ball and burlap, so more prone to drying out if left unplanted. I also am guilty of deeply coveting a lovely gingko biloba that was 40% off. The original price was $49.99, so even at 40% off, that's still, what? some $30? Also, I don't have any place to put it.
More Murphy's law: so far, I have had the following parts replaced on my car in the past 2-3 weeeks:
- right front axle
- tie rods
- spark plugs and wires
- fuel filter
- air filter
- rear wheel bearing
- rear brakes
- calipers for rear brakes
Horticulture: Yesterday I planted St John's wort (ornamental, though possibly useful medicinally), a European hazelnut, another kniphofia, 2 columbines, and a heuchera. I've decided where to site the Japanese Maple, but will wait on that until fall. The maple has already had a disadvantaged life and I don't want to stress it out too badly by planting it in midsummer. The only reason I was willing to transplant the hazelnut was that it was an absolute steal ($16 for a 4 foot tree/shrub), and was ball and burlap, so more prone to drying out if left unplanted. I also am guilty of deeply coveting a lovely gingko biloba that was 40% off. The original price was $49.99, so even at 40% off, that's still, what? some $30? Also, I don't have any place to put it.