Monday, June 27, 2011

I meant to work on some kind of art today...either on paper or with clay...but....nothing matters.

I am constantly questioned and challenged to come up with some kind of a plan for the future. I want to farm....on a small scale (20 acres or less)...and sometimes I feel together enough to try to come up with plans or ideas for crops, marketing strategies, location, timing, etc....but you know, it's just a pipe dream. I don't have any land to plant on, any money to lease land or any ideas for how to make this actually happen.

I want to do art, pottery. Meh. My art's no good and I know it.

I feel so gutted and crippled by this state of inertia.

I try to look towards the future, and I see....nothing. It's like driving in a blinding snowstorm or in a fog so thick that you can barely see the tail lights in front of you...except that everyone else is driving safely at freeway speeds. It's just me who's creeping along at 25 miles an hour, just me with the poor visibility, and they're all honking their horns and cussing me out or at best, wondering what's wrong with me. Some days I can see a little farther than others, but always, the fog's there to some degree. Always, I can't drive very fast. It's so frustrating.

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