I'm looking out the window; the snow covered mountain behind us is ringed with fog/cloud and the sunlight is hitting the mist. And the sky is blue behind it. So beautiful. It's a good day.

And I sitting here wondering what I'll do for the winter holiday when my kids are all grown. Suppose that at some point I'll have grandchildren (that seems like a long way away...I hope). My youngest is 5, so by the time he's grown in 13 years...yeah, I should have grandchildren by then. Sometimes I think about the possibility of adopting once Charlie's older....especially if the child in question was not an infant. People always look at me like I'm crazy when I say that, and I suppose that they have a point....

And speaking of household responsibilities, I am never having another indoor cat after Uno dies (this is the ancient, blind, corona virus infected cat we adopted). I love her and everything, but cat box in the house.....blech! I don't really care to have an outdoor cat either, because they kill weasels and birds and I love weasels. Oh, and bats! Bats are cool, too. Besides, with a Rat Terrier around, I don't need a cat. And cats have a nasty way of leaving disgusting surprises in the garden. It isn't that I don't like cats- I do- but I can love them just as well when they belong to someone else!

The kids are having a great X-mas and I am happy. :-)

:sigh:

I am not a big fan of holidays. This year is turning out better than most, but still....I always feel terribly alone during these things, and I hate having to pretend to be in some kind of festive mood (grump grump). Alright alright....I'll try......

I need to get out of the house though. Thinking.....Hike? (where, in this weather????) Ski? (no more skis).....Drive? (Where?)....Finch Arboretum? Hmmmmm........have never seen it in the winter. Meh. Maybe after the first of the year. Then I can hit the Oriental food stores and buy weird produce and other stuff. Maybe get some summer roll wrappers that are reliable. What else could I do......Firewood? (Yes!!! Feeling suddenly cheerful at the thought! Yeah, I know, I am so weird, lol). Help fix goat fence? Yeah, I could go for that too. Haul a truckload of manure? (Ya know, I am not *that* bored....splitting and stacking, OK....shoveling shit, not quite desperate enough yet....). Hmmmm. I need to find some places where I can walk around here in the winter....yeah. In the meantime, I can clean the house again....lol.

Currently listening to: "Hey there Delilah" (Plain White T's) and "Breathe" (Anna Nalick).

And my mood is: slightly melancholy without really being able to put a finger on why. Well, maybe that's silly of me; there's enough going on to be able to have a mildly low mood for no single reason.

Only, in addition to all that, I have this vague but persistent sensation of a gap, a space, where something ought to be. The only thing I can compare it to is having an empty glass in your hand and realizing you've been holding this glass for awhile and that at some point, you meant to fill it with some beverage, but forgot what. Or going through half of your morning and sort of remembering something, then realizing that you had an interesting dream that morning, but the details are fuzzy.

I am trying to do my homework, and there is so much ruckus going on (not constantly, just sporadically and enough to be disruptive) that I can't focus enough to compose the thoughts into well crafted sentences that flow nicely. Oh sure, I could scrawl something down, but if it were only quiet, it would all come easily and more or less right the first time with a fraction of the agony and effort....
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OK, it's quiet now. And, my eldest son gave me a bag of Jelly Belly beans as a belated B-day present, and I've eaten almost all of them (not so keen on the buttered popcorn flavor). I was 114# this morning, want to bet I've gained two back by morning?? Aw, I'm not complaining. In fact, I can't believe he gave these to me. Yeah, the health-foodie treehugger succumbs to junk food on occasion....