I am still upset about the Friend's meeting... I feel totally unsupported, and that's not new...but. I don't know. Maybe it's self pity talking here, but I just sort of feel like I was kicked while I was down, yet again. And I feel like they chose my ex over me. Because he doesn't have any kids (other than his grown singleton)...and this is the meeting that pushed the Overpopulation minute through while I was gone one Sunday (yes, in fact, I do feel that way about it-it was well known that our meeting was not in unity on that thing). He doesn't have an autistic 5yo running around and presenting childcare crises. I do. He hasn't been falling apart in public. I have. And if standing aside and letting him harass me in the meeting house isn't too surprising, being taken aside and urged to allow him to engage with my son is just....taking things too far. I am offended and I am hurt.
Even when this situation gets ironed out....I don't know. I just feel betrayed and I wasn't aware of it until I went to the Moscow Friends meeting and remembered what going to meeting used to be like. Before it was an instrument of manipulation. When I could trust people.
Friends (non-Quaker friends) tell me to start going elsewhere...but as anyone who has been reading this blog knows well by now, changes of heart don't come easily for me. Even if I am not able to go to meeting at this time, I am still a Quaker. Maybe a Bad Quaker.....but still...a Quaker.