And the trauma therapy? I don't know. Writing, whether in type or on paper, helps, as does art. Here is the thing though: there is a very good chance I won't be in another relationship, not because of the trauma issues but because I am no longer willing to settle. Also frankly, the way things are right now, I don't trust myself anymore, don't trust my own perceptions. The mere idea of opening myself up like that, of being vulnerable to yet another person fills my chest with panic, makes my breath feel scarce, makes me feel like hiding and running away. How relevant is trauma and dissociation in certain situations or settings in this case? Perhaps the time and energy would be better spent in other directions. In any case, the topic of sexual trauma was hardly approached with this therapist after the initial intake.
Not a very happy topic; sorry for that. I am doing well enough despite the tone of this post.