I mean, I think the goals, the general direction, is there, it's just that sometimes I lose hope and it all seems pretty impossible and unlikely. Not only hope...drive....motivation. There are a lot of times when I live primarily for my kids...or because the Friends at the next Quaker meeting will want me to be there....or because I just cannot bear to make that phone call. If I could get the motivation back, probably things would improve.
At any rate, today I was assigned to the landscaping and weed maintenance of the farm we've been picking at. The kids can still pick while I work. This pays better and looks as if it will be more stable.