Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Trying as hard as I can at work, but don't feel like it's going very well. The dishwasher machine arrived today. The girl who said derogatory things about people with mental health issues on my first day of work there is all pissed off at me. This is because they were talking about how great the Waldorf school was and were saying that it should be publicly funded like public schools are. I said that this would be problematic because then the Waldorf school would have to accommodate children with disabilities, such as my son who has Asperger's, also that one of the children from our Quaker meeting was just moved from this school to the charter school due to bullying. She got histrionic about it, I tried to tell her I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, that perhaps we should agree to disagree, and she is still mad several days later. Whatever. She's always going on about how sensitive her feelings are and being almost on the verge of tears about fairly minor things. Meanwhile, I try to hold it together and keep a stiff upper lip day after day. It is a four hour struggle not to stim, to work past and through the anxiety. I am so tired of the drama over petty things, of the passive aggressive stuff that is inseparable from deli work. I have got to remember to bring the MP3 player tomorrow....that thing is a lifesaver.

It was such a nice day today outside. Right after work there was the wind blowing in my face, pregnant with the scent of impending rain. I took my son's dog down to the boat launch and let her run around...it was so nice. Then it rained...and it smelled fresh and moist and earthy. I wish that I could find a place to garden.

And...I'm sorry that I do such a poor job of holding myself together. :-(

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