Tuesday, May 08, 2012

My turn to draw tonight instead of being drawn. I am so out of practice, it's embarrassing. Still, I ended up with one drawing that was reasonably decent. Nothing worthy of being hung, by any means, but considering an almost total lack of experience figure drawing....


  • I was surprised at how shy/embarrassed I felt about drawing the model. When I was modeling, I felt so exposed at first, so vulnerable...it was really a struggle...but I reminded myself that this was art, that many artists had modeled in their student years. I thought of Georgia O'Keeffe. It didn't really occur to me that it might be almost as awkward for the artists who were drawing me!
  • The person I was drawing wasn't someone I would ever consider attractive. I love the form of the male body and actually find it most interesting than the female form, but for whatever reason, looking at and drawing some random guy would not have been my choice of subject matter. Maybe it's that I have a generalized rejection/stay away/and don't even think about sex! thing going for nearly all men right now. In any case, I confess that I did not at first respect and appreciate our model.
  • However, as I worked that began to change. I know that it's hard to be there under the spotlight with all your flaws exposed. Also, I began to notice that feet and hands really are attractive body parts, but very difficult to do justice to. I can't seem to keep fingers from looking like shapeless sausages. :-/Luckily I can draw my own feet, or my children's feet or hands for practice.
  • And...the human body is so vulnerable looking! Even on a man, the angles and muscles are offset by the softness of the belly...it's like this amazing juxtaposition of strength and vulnerability blending into one another seamlessly. I have come to the conclusion that the human body, any human body, is beautiful, sacred and to be honored and respected. Prior to tonight I would probably have said that everyone has beautiful bones, that our organs and physiology and cells and inner workings are beautiful, but the outer form, not so much for the majority of us. Certainly some forms are probably more appealing than others...but there is something precious about the human body that is common to us all.
  • ...including mine. I should take better care of it. More to the point though, all too often it hasn't been treated with the sort of respect and kindness it deserved by people who claimed to love me. I don't know if I'll have a partner at some future point in time but if I do, that person will have to honor and respect me, not treat me like a living object. I am not ever tolerating that again. Because what I saw today is that we don't have to be drop dead gorgeous to possess a beauty in our own right, to have worth. One doesn't have to have that elusive perfection in order to be worthy of appreciation, to be lovable.
  • After all, haven't I said before, so many times already, that what makes us unique and irreplaceable are our weaknesses, our little flaws, quirks and variances? Otherwise everyone would have to be generic in order to have value and that's just silly (and so boring).

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