Saturday, August 23, 2014

I don't know if it's going to work. I want it to work. However, I'm not sure that my wanting things to work is adequate. Meanwhile, I am deluged and completely underwater with things that need to be done before winter and preferably before school starts. Summer....gone. Irretrievable. Forget it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

What goals do I have for myself, my family, the earth, and life in general?

Do my daily actions, thoughts, activites, and associations with other people contribute towards these goals?

To what extent is my life being lived intentionally, and to what extent is is merely happening, with me as a spectator?

Am I consciously making the choices/decision in my life, or am I allowing others to decide for me, because it is easier/less conflict/more cooperative?

Am I doing things the way they're being done out of habit?

Am I valuing myself, my time, my resources, thoughts and feelings, the way I would like other people to value these things?

How can one objectively differentiate between a compromise which is fair, and inequity?

If the next year or five years is just like this one, more or less, how will I feel about that?

If that isn't what I want, what could be changed? How realistic is this?

Are my goals and ideals realistic? Are there things I am willing to sacrifice? What is essential, what is negotiable, and what is unrealistic/unattainable?

Am I careful to consider other perspectives and priorities besides my own? How can I set boundaries which are healthy for all parties concerned?

What can I do to facilitate understanding and dialogue? How can we deal with hurt feelings without causing more hurt?

Am I careful to listen as completely as possible, without planning a response or refutation? Am I listening with my heart rather than my ego? Am I responding carefully rather than merely reacting?

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Feeling brokenhearted. September approaches. Summer is ending, and overall, it's been more or less like I thought it would be.

September...time of decisions....stay away a little longer. I'm not ready for you yet.

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

He says that I'm hypersensitive. To some extent, this is true: hypersensitivity is one of the defining characteristics of being on the autism spectrum. Some have argued that it is actually the cause of all other ASD symptoms and behaviours....and the people who have posited this are themselves on the spectrum (google "autism expert sensory funnel"), which lends more validity than the average hare-brained ideas.

But there's also this: my average pain/stress/discomfort levels are already typically much, much higher than your average person. On any random day, if you scratch through the veneer, there's a boiling mess of hurt underneath it that I'd rather pretend isn't there. I don't have a lot of wiggle room. So yeah, "small" things will hurt me much, much more than your average person who isn't already frighteningly close to their max pain threshold.