I am getting almost nothing done. I could try to blame it on ADD or executive function deficits due to the Asperger's syndrome, but probably it is due more to the concussion....although in truth, flakiness has been a perennial problem for me, just not to this extreme degree.

I was supposed to go to my meeting today and ask them for help getting me to Midwinter Gathering. I did not do this, even though I had fully intended to, for the past month or two, and today in particular. Why not? I haven't gone to meeting since the concussion...or, if I have, I don't remember it. Every time they see me, some new calamity has occurred- a housefire, homelessness, a breakdown, and now a concussion that left me stumbling and staggering like a drunk. Also I was mentally exhausted and in addition, tired of relaying the story of how I got hurt, tired of the pity. At any rate, showing up now to ask for financial help going to anything...seems pretty tacky. Still, I had committed myself to this embarrassing request, having affirmed to a person in charge that I would do so. But I didn't. Why? Well, because. I woke up throughout the night and managed to get back to sleep again, had nightmares that my favorite kitten died, and when I awoke in the morning, my shoulder and neck muscles were tight to the point of nausea. My partner kindly massaged them for me, and when I finally succumbed to his siren call of coffee and got out of bed, I was an hour too late for meeting. And then, as the caffeine pulsed life giving energy into my mind, I realized that the person I needed to ask is a snowbird and wouldn't be at our meeting anyway....but...that's a bad excuse.

And it's like that with nearly everything I do. Every little thing is such a huge effort! Even writing this. I feel so lazy....