Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Awareness anew today of:
  • How hypersensitive (hypervigilant might be a better word) I am to change. Because in my aspie, PTSD affected mind, no change is coincidental; it must, if thought about long enough, looked at hard enough, fit into some pattern, has some sort of meaning.
  • My attention span is shot. With it, my frustration threshhold also seems to have gone down the tubes. Is capacity to endure frustration connected somehow to attention span? Both are connected to energy.
  • I am NOT photogenic. However, neither are most of the people and animals I love. I look at pics of them and usually think that the photo does not do them justice. So disappointing! So, why is it so hard to accept that this applies to me, too?
  • My body is ALL out of shape. Not fat, just...flabby. Muscle tone is being lost. I am tired a lot of the time and sit around a lot, which makes me...more tired.
  • Animals: really important to me. Baby chicks, little goat kids, cats, my dog....I just love animals....and would never be able to make sense of h uman behavior without first understanding animals.
  • Livestock vs pets: My daughter asked me today why I like chickens so much, said I seem to really be into chickens lately, and farm animals more than cats and dogs. What I told her: No disrespect intended towards pet animals, but when you realize that an animal can be just as much fun, just as engaging, with interactions just as rewarding as a cat or a dog, but it gives you a wonderfully delicious food product ALSO...well, it's sort of like winning the lottery. It seems too good to be true. Also, you never have to find a new home for such an animal. If it becomes a problem, aggressive or whatever, you simply eat it or find someone else who wants to eat it. Most of these animals don't bark at night, chase bicycles, bite people.... And as a final bonus, their poop, instead of being an unpleasant waste product to be dealt with unhappily and thrown away (with much disgust along the way) is actually something you can be happy to have, because it's so good for the garden! I love my cats, but honestly, sometimes I feel like it's pretty much give, give, give to the cats and the cats give back purrs and affection (which certainly have their value, make no mistake about that). With chickens, you get warm, smooth oval eggs which taste so much better than store product egg facsimiles that they are in a class of their own, AND they eat your food scraps and food waste and are *thrilled* to have it, clucking with such delight that you feel no guilt at all about having not used that stale rice or bread or whatever. Goats give all the affection and engaging interactions that pet animals do, only you get milk that can save a baby's life or be made into lovely cheese....and they frolic and act ridiculous, making you smile even when you're trying to have a lousy day. :-)
  • And...food. When I am so tired and pulled in different directions, with a schedule that's a mess, it can be hard to find time to eat at all, let alone eat something healthful. I am discovering that eggs are pretty damned close to convenience food. You can fry one in a couple of minutes. Can boil them for easy transport. Make an egg sandwich. OR, you can take your time and make scrambled eggs with tasty additions, or an omelette or a quiche or a souffle (haven't tried the last yet).

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