I feel so sad. It's beautiful outside and it just means nothing to me. Too early to start drinking. Probably I should eat. I get scared. Maybe I've said too much. Maybe I didn't say enough. Maybe I should have told you what you mean to me. You....you are like seeing a rainbow for the very first time after a lifetime of the shittiest weather imaginable. I love you more than I'm able to say, and it terrifies me, because I know that you'll be gone. I know I'll lose you. And I don't know how to live without hope in my life. Do I reach out? No, that seems desperate. Maybe I'd be bothering you. But....maybe I seem cold. Ugh.... Just wait I guess.