Sunday, March 11, 2012

Watched half of a movie, Boys Don't Cry for an paper that I have to write for the abnormal psychology class. There were a number of movies on the list and I just picked this one at random because I'd already seen several of the other more popular movies and like to stretch my horizons when possible. I sort of lucked out with this movie but there is a rape scene and I got triggered. I'm still shaken....had to stop and save the rest of the movie for another time.

I hate the cruelty of the world we live in, that we're surrounded by people who have that kind of potential. It makes life seem so unpredictable, uncertain and unsafe.

All my life I've been taught that brutality is not only excusable, it's normal. That if I had a problem with that, my expectations were unreasonable and unrealistic. Still I always knew and hoped that it was possible for things to be different, that there must be men who were gentle not because they had to be to get what they wanted, nor as a pretense, but because gentleness was an integral part of their being. They told me I was wrong, that I didn't want "a real man", that what I was asking for was a woman. I told them that real men don't have to be cruel to assert their masculinity...but inwardly, there were so many times when I wondered if they were right. Because of you, I know they're wrong. Because of you, I will never again settle for or tolerate a man for whom kindness is only a veneer.

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