Saturday, May 03, 2008

I think you might be surprised, dear reader, to learn that I'm now friendly to the woman I was so annoyed by at the library. She's actually become one of my favorite customers. I'm like that a lot. I frequently develop hasty, poorly thought out aversions to people for petty reasons, and then recant at a later date. It makes me ashamed of myself at times.

What else?

We've planted all the large trees- apples (which will be espaliered here as well, no room for them otherwise), cherry, magnolia stellata, Japanese maple, chokecherry, apple seedlings, and hazelnut. I've also replanted most of the bulbs. Still forlornly awaiting reunion with their mother earth: the roses, daylilies, herbs (primarily lemon balm, marjoram, and peppermint) and various perennials. I got a few things planted this morning, but I haven't been feeling that well, so....all in good time.

I find myself pining for goats and sheep. I could do more with the sheep as I love to spin, dye, knit, crochet, and weave the finished yarn, but the goats are my true love....even though I can't drink the milk. Yes, I do realize I could raise Angoras or Cashmeres. For me it really isn't about the product, it's the animal. I don't feel like myself without them. At any rate, it's a wound which is unlikely to heal quickly, as land here is still outrageously priced and the zoning regs illogically allow predatory animals which attack people, pets, and wildlife and make lots of noise at night and whose poop you can't use for gardens, but prohibit any species which has even remote practical uses, such as rabbits.

Math is going badly even though I got the Midterm worked out. I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of factoring trinomials or quadratic equations. I have read the math book over and over.....and it just is not making sense to me. The finals are in less than a week....eeek. If I really want to be a botanist, I have got to nail this.

Also, I haven't painted or even drawn anything in months. At this point I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will again, or will it be like the goat, an essential part of me amputated and left to die alongside the rat race highway.

And I think that if I can just get a spinning wheel and buy or barter for some wool, I'll salvage something of what I'm missing. I'll at least have the scent of the animal......

This is all sounding so morose, and I don't mean for it to. I just really need to find a different line of work, and my body is so shot that it can't be the outdoorsy grunt work which I'd otherwise be perfectly happy to do. Yeah, I think I need to get out tomorrow morning and garden...otherwise I'm going to get depressed if I continue thinking about these things.

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