Ugh! I hate feeling that way....I want it to go away and never, ever come back to haunt me.

Why is it so hard to believe that someone could actually love me, yes- me, and want to keep me around?

I can only hope that as time goes on, my anxiety level regarding this stuff will decrease. How much of this is due to the declining daylight? How much of it is due to impending January/February? Can someone please just knock me out completely for the entire frigging month of February? Please? Or take me somewhere far, far away for a month? Something?

Action plan:

• More physical activity. Hike that trail daily if necessary. If it worked 18 months ago it is pretty much guaranteed to do the trick now.......
• Change of locations/activity. Was reaching crisis level today....left the house and went to split and haul a load of wood, visited alpacas....that alone helped significantly.
• Biofeedback/meditation, per Dr's advice.
• I need to make a list of people to call who can chatter to me about stuff that is interesting enough to keep my mind off whatever horror it's just invented to torment me with.
• Diet--> lay off the wheat! Eat regularly.
• Play Farmville? Seriously- it helped me somewhat last time. Doesn't have to be Farmville, but some kind of soothing, interesting but not mentally challenging activity. Sudoku? Make word puzzles? Look up 5 new words and write them and their definitions down?

I don't want to act this way. I don't want to be like this...it isn't even his fault in any remote fashion but he's the one who's stuck dealing with it. :-(