Friday, January 02, 2004

I'm still trying to think of something profound to start the New Year off with. Mainly, I'd like to have fun and actually *enjoy* life for a change. Isn't that deep and thought provoking? No? Oh. Sorry. Not really...sorry that is...being sorry all the time isn't fun. ;^)

OK. Well how about this: The Meaning of Life (As I see it).
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For the past two years or more, I've been trying to figure out why we're here. Once I had faith in some kind of a higher meaning; after I discarded that, it all seemed more meaningless than ever. The concept of a meaningless and futile life was unacceptable- my life isn't happy enough that I can tolerate the notion that all this struggling and surviving has been done for its own sake...I mean, if that were the case, why bother at all? It really tormented me, because I just can't handle the idea that it's always going to be this way and worse, that there wasn't and isn't a reason for me to be here at all. (and then sometimes I think....what? I'm so important??? There's a *reason* for my being here? get real...) But I'm getting sidetracked.

I think the deal is this: we have to create a meaning for ourselves. It isn't something that's out there in the cosmos or higher being somewhere, waiting to be discovered by some profound enlightenment. We have to make it. And if we don't, then hell yes, our lives will in fact be meaningless.

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