I'm tired of living if this is how it's always going to be. I keep on plodding along and trying various things in the hopes that someday, I'll find the magic combination of factors (that seem to come so easily for other people) and man, it just doesn't look too promising. I keep getting kicked when I'm down, but nobody ever kicks me quite hard enough to finish me off. Now that's cruelty.

Yeah, I guess I'm depressed. Need to get out the Saint John's wort again.

Have you read Animal Farm? Right now I'm playing the role of the horse (what was his name?); the one whose reply to hardships was always: "I will work harder". I've always identified more with the cynical donkey... think his name was Benjamin...