Seems like my mental world has shrunk down to two or three driving, insistent subjects. I'm so tired.

I want to paint. During the breaks and lunch at work, I draw with colored pencils. The pencils are cheap and waxy and the color doesn't build up like I want it to. Irksome!!

The doe who had the C section has been walking around and is actually still producing milk (!) This is good. The baby will have milk to drink. He screams if he sees a carton of cow's milk. I suppose it gives him a stomach ache or something.

Sigh. I want a day off, ideally a day where I don't have to watch the children all day long, too. There isn't such a day anywhere in sight. Last day off was 3/20. What sucks is that for as much as I'm working, I'm not even getting anywhere, but this is due in part to bills and debts being paid off, childcare, and gas. The car sucks down gas like a wino does 20/20.

Teeth hurt, my breath must be bad. Rotting teeth stink, at least my mom's did. Ugh.

Some few of the bulbs are blooming: 'Jumblie' daffodils, only 3-4" high and very cute and tiny, scilla, chinodoxia, as well as standard daffodils which have been here for a long time. Hyacinths will kick in soon. There are places that I planted chock full of bulbs wherre nothing at all is emerging, and sites where the bulbs grew last year but are making a very poor return this time around. Fucking pocket gophers.....grrrrrr.....There are only one or two oriental lilies, and I planted about $50 worth of lilies. But it isn't the money that matters, it's the fact that I've wanted and dreamed about these lilies for years, finally got them, and they failed before I even had a chance to enjoy them.

Is that all my life's ever going to be, a series of failed pipe dreams?