This song is perfect (well, except for pool and school). I've already mentioned the fact that communication is problematic for me. I tend to believe and try to rely on telepathy to some extent, but I think the cold hard truth is that this has been a figment of my (colorful) imagination and I just wanted to believe that such a thing was possible, that it wouldn't be so goddamned *difficult*, that someone would be able to see and hear past the faltering awkward words that are so labored and inadequate for what I want to say. In other words, wishful thinking. There isn't such a thing. Oh, I don't know....maybe there is, hell, I don't know... Even if there is...but for the momnet let's just assume there's not, how many opportunuties have been lost of simply never came to pass, how many unrealized interactions have there been because I thought that somehow, the other person could read my eyes or thoughts? (Read my eyes??? It is SO HARD for me to look a person in the eye, with *rare* exceptions).

But mostly, I think I just zone out, and probably look stupid while doing so. Even if there is telepathy, how many people would be receptive of it?

Ack...I'm getting sidetracked. Anyway, here is a portion of the above song that expresses how I feel. (Song is copyrighted, Elton John, etc etc)
----------------------------
If you only knew
What I'm going through
Time and again I get ashamed
To say your name
It's hard to grin and bear
When you're standing there
My lips are dry
I catch your eye and look away
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Yeah. That perfectly expresses the almost paralyzing degree or shyness and social ineptitude that I suffer from.

AND WHAT REALLY SUCKS is when I finally get up the nerve to say something to someone (believe it or not I sometimes rehearse things I want to say hours, days, even months in advance), when I finally spit it out and then the other party doesn't even listen or really hear me, or they look at me like I'm nuts, etc etc..... Oh god, it is so frustrating!!! Or, they hear and listen but it doesn't 'get through' to them, or still, worse, they misunderstand me and don't give me a chance to defend myself before jumping all the hell over me (after which I go away and plan out a carefully executed reply for the next week or two). God, it sucks to be me. :sigh: :-(