Monday, December 06, 2004

After three days of my car not starting, *stranded* in the parkign lot of the store where I work, I finally fixed it, myself (thanks to Tim's input!). It was such an....empowerign be able to do that alone, rather than takign it to a shop. I don't like having to depend on other people. You never know when they'll let you down. Anyway, I was soooo happyyyyy that I went back into the store ( i was able to fix it on my 15 minute break)...clicking like crazy. And all day long, my co-worker got on my case for clicking. "REBEKAH!!!!" "That's enough of the clicking now, Rebekah", "No more clicking...." etc etc. I tried to compensate with the metal tongs (used for picking up deli food). They made a pleasant metallic click. It's good for getting the attention of customers who just stand there idly and can't make up their minds. They snap out of it and order. :clickclickclickclick: Yes. A particularly cranky co-worker snatched the tongs out of my hand abruptly. :irk!!!:

I tried really really hard not to click too much. It wasn't very easy.When I feel good, I want to click. Or spin, or wiggle, or bounce. Or tap. Or spin. Something. I want my body to reflect my mood: happy, energetic. Spoilsports. I resorted to wiggling my fingertips joyfully, but it wasn't as satisfying as hearign the clicking. So I tried to click out of earshot, mostly. Everyonce in a whiole I'd forget and see soemone's back start to stiffen..before I stopped.

See, I am not one of those people who can contain themselves. If I'm happy, I express it. If I'm miserable, likewise. I have been berated OFTEN for this. Throughout my life, people have been on my case, wanting me to be dishonest this way. :sticks out tongue and waggles fingers:

I won't do it anymore. I won't. If the way I am is not good enough, I don't know what to say...I will spend my time and life with people who can accept me as I am, and who will be as honest with me as I am with them. Yes.

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