I'm so sick and tired of wondering and fearing that people might angry at me. I'm never quite sure. Experience has taught me that when people are angry they can be:

• obviously angry: yelling, scowling, and the like
• Smiling
• Silent, cold, and unresponsive, which, to be honest, is really hard for me to distinguish from solitary-quiet or sad/depressed
• Ignoring me like I don't exist but talking to other people
• and a number or others that are hard for me to read.
  

See, I'm not always sure.

And if I'm not sure, experience has also taught me that it's best to be safe, because angry people can be violent, and unpredictably so. So usually, if I have even the faintest tinge of fear that someone might be upset with me (which is most of the time, since their anger signals are so variable) I either smile in what must be a rather uncertain, hideously half-hearted grimace, or I start to apologize, hoping to quench the thirst of their anger with my pathetic submission before it gets (horrors!) worse.

"I'm sorry"
"I'm so sorry"
"I'm really sorry"
"I didn't mean it that way..."
"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry"

Or sometimes I just worry silently and brood over it for a long time, getting more and more upset, unsure of what I could possibly have done wrong, whether or not that remark was sarcasm, whether they're angry at me or someone else, and just replaying everything that could possibly pertain to the scenario in an attempt to decipher where I screwed up (again).

Jesus, people!! Just spell it out! I'm so damned tired of being sorry all the time when I don't even know why or what for or whether the person's even justified in the anger towards me, if it exists at all. I'm f*****g sick of groveling and begging people to allow me to please them.

Who the hell do they think they are, anyway? Can't I be angry sometimes, too?