Saturday, December 02, 2006

My third son is currently (finally) being evaluated to ascertain whether or not he also has Asperger's or some other autism spectrum disorder. He is a wonderful kid and I love him just the way he is, but I do want his life to be easier than mine has been. Hell is life as an aspie being held to neurotypical expectations and being punished for not meeting them when you don't even know what they are! it sound rotten to say this (and self-defeatist as well) but I think it's the truth: I don't feel that I will ever really recover from a childhood (including teens and early adulthood) in which I was routinely and systematically penalized for being "different" and berated for not being "normal". I would love to wake up and have teh same self assurance that I had a a small child, before they squished me, but I'm not sure it'll ever happen. I want that for my son, though. He still has that self confidence, and I don't want people to go and take it away from him.

My youngest son (#6) is sleeping. He's sick. I think he's doing well developmentally, meeting all the milestones on time. His father and I are both aspie, so we've wondered what he will turn out like. The only red flag I have seen so far is that his head diameter is over the 90% percentile, while his length is at 40% and his weight is under 5% (which, if you're getting alarmed, is par for the course with my kids- they run small). Rapid head growth in the first two years is really common in autistic children and is one of the things they look for. He's very sociable, though..hasn't seemed to experience any stranger anxiety...he'll smile at almost anyone, and makes good eye contact, is alert and focused on the world around him, not off in a dream world like my lovely #3 son.

My children give me something to live for. I don't know what I'd do without them, probably get some job that was just enough to live on and hole up in a little rustic cabin on a moutain top. I would paint and garden and have animals, but I'd be hiding from the world with all lits cruel people who say and do nasty things. The kids force me to go out and battle my way through every day life and to develop more social skills than I ever would have otherwise- I just don't have a choice.

Charlie is sick and sleeping. The oldest two boys are visiting with a friend, doing social stuff (looking at Christmas lights in the nearest city, my idea of DULL!, but they're really happy)and the house is quiet. I think I'm going to turn this droning, whining machine off and paint or draw....or clean house, heh.

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