Monday, July 02, 2007

_Oh_My_God._ The worst toothache in my life grabbed me by the face yesterday. I can only describe the pain as 10 on a scale of 1-10, and very similar to an electric shock tapped in directly to a very sensitive facial nerve. Jesus Christ. I went from happy one second to total, quivering, wreck the next. Got to love anxiety attacks + severe pain. Aside from wanting the pain to stop NOW, I found myself longing for something spandex that would squeeze me tightly, or for a lead blanket, or anything confining, to weigh me down, to make me feel safe. Ugh.

And so, for the first time in my life, I drank hard alcohol (Barcadi Rum, 151). It was the only thing that dulled the pain. Nasty stuff...raised up bumps all along my inner cheek and burned my mouth. I cannot conceive of drinking the sutff for pleasure. I mean, exactly what would be the appeal?

I've been screwed over by three customers in the past two weeks. And the lesson I've never quite learned is beginning to sink in slightly: if you don't defend yourself from users, they will keep right on using you, and noone else is going to do it for you. You have to defend yourself. It isn't wrong to do so even if the other people get angry and confrontational. In fact, it kind of feels good.

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