It would be lovely to be able to discuss difficult topics without having a meltdown every time. To not live as if I have a hairtrigger, just waiting for the slightest thing to send me spiraling into a whirlpool of pain. To not have this headache, these gummed up eyes, this upset stomach and migraine-feeling neck pain. To not feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself for falling apart...again.

And sadly, it isn't the Asperger's. Maybe a little bit....the Asperger's certainly contributes by not being able to tell kidding from serious, etc. Mostly though, it's the PTSD, coming around the block to try to fuck up my life yet again, ruining another day that could have been perfectly good, leaving me feeling so fragile and frail and small and in need of comforting. I hate this. I really hate it. They say that EMDR will help and I sincerely hope that they're right. :-(