I'm not ready to even begin on today yet- if I had my way I'd go back to bed and sleep for 2-3 more hours. Seems like I feel sleep deprived most of the time; suppose that's to be expected when there's a baby in the room. So----> yesterday.

I dragged myself out of bed at the ungodly hour of 9:00, milked the goats, and hurried in to town so I could check out the local fine arts guild and their monthly meeting. It's held at a restaurant, and you know, I should have guessed, because this restaurant is the one the loggers frequent, and this guild hangs it's art in the library and businesses around town. Certainly, I didn't expect Michelangelo, Rodin, or Degas, but that was OK- I just wanted to find people with similar interests. So I walk in the door.....actually, I saw even before I *opened* the glass door- and there is this room full of women, most of them in the 50-70 age range, and they give me this look as though there must be some mistake, because I sure as heck don't belong there! The tables were jam packed, and nobody made room for me to sit down. They hardly even looked at me, and when they did, it wasn't exactly friendly. _But_ I'm stubborn, and I make up my mind that I am going to be here in this place whether they like it or not. So I picked up an empty chair and carried it around the perimeter of the room to an empty place with some gals who looked eccentric and not too unfriendly. They were nice enough. The first part of the meeting was boring as hell (in my mind, hell is a place of utter and complete boredom and loneliness), mostly it was about various means of raising money or exhibiting art. A painting or two was held up briefly for display and a couple of them were good, too; but mostly it was about voting on one dull issue after another, and everyone agreed all of the time. Then lunch was served and the guest artist began to talk about her work and methods, and she was pretty interesting. I learned a lot from her, and she also is self taught, which was inspiring. But other than the two gals on either side of me and the guest artist, not one of those ladies said hello. Bunch of crochety old...:slaps hand over mouth:. Anyway, I think I'll go there next month.

After that I went and applied for another job, and I think there's a chance I could get this one. It's weekends only but hopefully could lead into expanding horizons and hours.

Back to the art meeting: the weird thing is that I'm already a member of the quilt guild, and it's the same way as far as age range but the attitude is entirely different. Once those ladies saw my work they welcomed me with open arms. There must be another place for art with people my own age. For years, my friends have been 20+ years older than me, maybe because I sought out men that age, too. For over a decade now, I've bemoaned my youth and pretended to be more mature, to be above all that goes with being in your twenties. I guess I didn't want them to say I was too young for the men I was with. And the men- they *were* gentle (well, some of them were...) but they always acted a little fatherly and protective, even patronizing. Sort of like, I've lived and let me tell you all about the world and you're just a young sweet thing but I'll teach you what I like. Well, I'm sick and tired of it now. They were young once, they had their kicks and thrills before they looked upon the world with a seasoned eye. I'm tired of feeling as though it's some kind of a sin to be my age, and as though the main benefit of my age is to an innoncent thing for some guy who doesn't feel like dealing with a gal his own age. I'm speaking in generalities here of course...I don't know that age is the main issue so much as the attitude that tends to prevail with an extreme age difference. It's impossible to feel like an equal with someone like that, and equality is what I want.

On second thought, there must be another group around here- one with contemporaries. I'll have to find it and let the old ladies keep their exclusive little club. What a loss. *snort*