Tuesday, October 28, 2003

*sigh* I'm so lonely. And why? Because I'm a snob. Because I find at least 95% of the population to be insufferably boring and to have very little to contribute in the way of interesting conversation or interactions. I'm sick and tired of banalities, of trite, meaningless babbling, of people going on and on about stupid bygone ideals that weren't actually so ideal if one were to scrutinize them more closely. I suppose it's the area we live in, and the fact that I tend to regard every person as dull and stupid until proven otherwise...that can't be an endearing trait... It isn't that I think I'm so perfect or fascinating- I know my faults. But I'm still very bored, and the previously mentioned traits combined with social ineptitude result in a sort of self-perpetuating state of isolation.

Competitive...perhaps that's half the problem. There are a lot of people who don't care for competition in the context of friendship. For my part, a friendship without it is, well, bland and uninteresting- intolerably so. It's probably also why I don't get along with men on a long term basis- ultimately, most of them don't want to compete with a woman. I suppose it's threatening. The stupid thing is, I don't have to win, though I'll get irritated if I lose consistently and by a wide margin. I just enjoy competing for its own sake. Losing, winning, it isn't a personal issue, as long as the other party gives me a run for my money and has a mind I can respect. Whatever...::throws hands up in despair::

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