Monday, October 20, 2003

I've been working on the style sheet for my website for the past hour or two. I screwed things up last night, which precipitated a premature delivery of the new version. I wasn't really ready to bring it out yet, but the way thing worked out, I didn't have much of a choice. I *cannot* get the frigging H1 font (which is the herdname in big latters across the top of the page) into any other font than the one that's there. I don't know where *that* font came from, but I hate it, hate it, hate it!!! :shrieks with frustration: There are a number of others that'd be fine. By the time I was through I'd decided plain old arial would be fine. No dice. No matter what I do it's the same clunky ungraceful font. Now, if all I had to do was *&$# around with this one font all day long, it'd be one thing. But the fact of the matter is that there are about a zillion details that have to be attended to very quickly because the home page's links aren't valid, and the new layout will be using a different navigation bar, and there are about 15-20 more pages to complete. (There *is* a template I've made so each page doesn't have to be written anew, but's going to take several more days worth of tweaking before it's acceptable). So- I guess you could say I'm a little stressed.

Ummmm....oh yeah, I do have a life outside the computer. And lately, I'm preferring this one- I have more control over it and it's more fun to fool around with pages that don't work than to deal with dysfunctional interpersonal communications. The harder I look, the more life seems like some kind of inpenetrable maze. I'm surrounded by people and their expectations- act this way, do XYZ, say what they want to hear, think what they want me to think , feel what they want me to feel. And this is where I draw the line: what I *do* is negotiable. What I think or feel is nobody's business but mine. Other people are private about their money, their age, their history, etc..for me, it's my inner world that is off limits unless otherwise specified, and even then- misbehave, screw me over, and you're out- never to return, or- restricted access only.

Anyway- back to the external reality (is it more real? I think maybe it's less so...). The relationship between internal and external reality is an interesting one. The physical world can kill your body, but can it kill an idea? Does the material world have any value without ideas, thoughts, feelings, other than existing for its own sake? From an idea, to plant, for example, I can not only modify the physical world but also inspire others to do likewise. It's possible for an entire forest to spring up if I want it to, which will last a thousand years and reseed itself...Ideas are powerful- they're the strongest tool we have. It could be and has been argued that ideas and original thought are what set us apart from animals. The worst thing that the physical world can do to us then, is to kill our ideas, our power of thought. Starve a person, bruise their body, they're still human. A brain dead person with a healthy body is nothing more than a mass of tissue, a remnant of what once was human. Independence of thought- it's precious.

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