Tuesday, July 11, 2006

It's been an interesting week. I pried myself away from my workplace for an entire week. I survived; I did not go into withdrawl! Definitely missed the structure and routine, though.

While I was gone:

I met my SO's family. I honestly didn't realize how hungry I was for family (umm, wait, that doesn't sound the way I meant it to!!) until I met all these people. At first I curled up and hid in the room because I was afraid of them, but then his mom found me and coaxed me out. My own clan has more or less turned their backs on me ( I guess I'm too embarrassing for whatever reason), so I'm going to adopt these folks, it looks like. They seem to either like me a lot or do an awfully good job of concealing their dismay.

We saw a movie, in an actual movie theater. More on this later.

And, I made up with my sister. Never mind why we were incommunicado, it's unimportant at this point. The salient thing here is that after quite a few years (possibly 5?), I saw her again, she got to meet my kids, and her husband (shunned by the rest of our clan for snobbish reasons) and my SO seemed to get on well.

This is funny: I've always been insecure that my men would rather have her, and that they'd rather have me act more like her. She's taller, smaller waisted, cuter, daintier, has smaller feet, a higher voice, and all the social poise that I lack. Her husband told us that when they were first married, she woke up crying in the night; he asked her what was wrong. She'd had a dream that he liked *me* instead of her!! Can you imagine? My sister, that I've been so jealous of since early childhood? She's insecure, too! I don't need to view her as a rival anymore.

And, although I didn't get a chance to do any artwork at all on my vacation, I did see a lot of pretty inspiring scenery and color. I purchased an artist's mannekin, some liquin medium, and a wooden palette, all of which I can use, but here is the thing: I keep on purchasing art supplies, and then I delay doing anything with them. I think I'm afraid of failure or something. When I do draw or paint, I feel all uptight, like each drawing or sketch or whatever has to be a masterpiece, and I either can't get started at all, or I can't complete it. It's just horrible....

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