Sometimes I think that the older we get, the more we become landmines of old sorrows, pains, hot spots, and and just more sensitive all around. I thought things would bother me less, they don't. Old stuff haunts me, old memories twang on my heart and bring tears to my eyes, old injustices make me angrier than I was when they first occurred.

A silly young girl at work (not stupid, just very young and inexperienced with life) was going on about some 13 year old girl being abused and how the little girl was sleeping with a 20 year old man. She was criticizing the girl all over the place...said that the 13 yo claimed her mom was abusive and beating on her, but the kid must've been making it up because she hadn't mentioned it to anyone else, and what a liar the kid must be.

I wanted to throttle her on the spot. Stupid, privileged little snit from a happy well adjusted family!!! What the heck does she know about abuse? Why is she berating this kid when there's a 20 year old guy involved?? How many happy 13 year olds from good healthy families screw around with 20 year old guys? She had the chance to make a difference for this kid, and she's blowing it.

When I finally got free of my family, I tried to tell the cops what was going on, that my step-dad was molesting 3 other kids. They went and asked them. Every single one of my siblings had been molested, and every single one of them categorically denied it- because they were afraid. I was the one who broke the silence, and it took years before I did so. My evil step-dad got off scott-free, because we couldn't prove anything if the others wouldn't admit it was going on. Now he's with some other woman who also has kids (groan). I wonder how many youngsters he's going to ruin before he dies- he'll probbaly never get caught.....

That's just an example. I'm brimming with shit like that. It's making me old. I want happy memories to drown out or at least balance the others.