Thursday, August 24, 2006

Well, now that I have an oven, I'm back into the baking mood again. Sadly enough, my knack for baking seemed to have drifted away in the meantime... Actually, the potato onion knishes I made last night were awfully good. Perfect, in fact. It's the apple filled challah I'm making (er, burning) right now that's got me humiliated. I guess it really DOES need to raise 2-3 times in order to turn out well, and substituting cherries for apples is a bad, bad idea. I mean, they're tasty and all, but they leak all over and ooze cherry juice all over the pan and burn and the smell is awful. And it's not as sweet as it should be, either. I have no idea why not...except that the dough wa sa lot stickier than usual (sweet doughs often are) and so I had to use more flour than the recipe called for. (Uh, that might be why it's not sweet enough and feels too dense...duh...) Dang it, I wanted to make something *nice*! Well, maybe next time I'll follow the directions more closely instead of doing it "my way".

I'm feeling a little better about my job. A couple of the people who've been irritating me the most are either gone or leaving soon. Also I realized why I was so stressed out, and even though that element is unlikely to change, being able to recognize it has been helpful. I still find the knowledge that I'm contributing to sending people to their demise (via obesity, heart disease, high cholesterol, and god only knows what else) somewhat disturbing, but it's also true that I can make healthier foods available for people to choose from. The only thing is, if Staci leaves, I honestly don't know if I'll want to stay. It'd be too much like drudgery with her gone, she's such a kick.

Oh, wait- I had a little less than the amount of yeast called for. That might be part of why it's so dense. Yeah. (Note to self: buy more yeast, a lot of it, like half a pound)

I'm so tired. I have to be out the door tomorrow at about 6:00-6:30, to get my car into the shop to be worked on before work, and hope that they get it done in time. Ugh, tomorrow is freight day, and the freezer's going to be packed FULL of boxes of bread dough weighing 40# each, that all have to be sorted and stacked. Groan...thinking about it makes me hips hurt already. I'll bread chicken instead. I did freight tha last two Fridays.

Realized something else disturbing: I tend to find men who project a tragic or melancholic aura attractive. WTF???? WHY haven't I ever examined this screwed up facet of myself before? And then, after I've been with them for a while and tried to nurse them back to happiness, one of two things happens: They're happy, and I'm bored and see someone else sad that I'd like to cheer up (whih isn't saying that I cheat- I don't- it's just that I feel sorry for sad men), or: They remain depressed because that's their normal mode, and I begin to get offended by it (What's the matter with you? Aren't I good enough? I'm TRYING to make you happy!!!). And see, the basic premise here, that I can be responsible for anyone else's happiness, is all wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.....

I guess part of it is that wounded guys look so much like sad little boys. You just sort of want to hold them and kiss the owies and make them all better, because guys are supposed to have that stiff upper lip and it's really hard to take to see them all forlorn. :-/

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