Sunday, July 31, 2011

How could anyone look as bad as I do and have such cute kids?

I was going to write about my hyperactive mind and how it runs negative feedback loops incessantly.....but after seeing a bunch of recent photos of myself...

I can't stand the way I look. I wish that I had a good chin. Guess we can't all be beautiful, but combined with social awkwardness and gawky, ungraceful movements...it's just painful. The only thing I have going for me is my body (which needs work but is not beyond redemption), but I get so tired of being seen as a body, as something to have sex with. It makes me nauseous to feel that way.

And my sister, who looks so much like me, only slightly different, is beautiful. It's so hard not to resent her for that. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
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The sad truth of it is that I'm a dyke who happens to be hopelessly in love with a man. This is not a situation that can end well. No happiness in sight. And yes, I am now depressed again.

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