Sunday, July 31, 2011

Wait: I am not ugly, it is just that I am not *pretty*. What's more, I don't want to be pretty...except that I wish I was pretty to you...and that's kind of stupid. People (myself included) have to be what they are and who they are. It's about integrity towards oneself.

I think about all the women I've been attracted to. Most of them haven't been pretty, and they'd look silly in a dress with makeup and foo-foo hair. Most of them didn't have barbie-doll figures, either, because I'm not attracted to barbie dolls.

The issue I am struggling with is the conflict between society's demands on me (be pretty, be feminine, be attractive to men) and who I really am (not very feminine, very outdoorsy and rustic). I have been coerced into "pretty" was pure misery and I couldn't wait to wash that crap off of my face, to get back into jeans and brush those silly curls out of my hair. It sucked.

I can't base my self image on what other people want me to look like. When I wear my Carhartts and a button down shirt, tie and jacket....I might not be pretty, but somehow, it looks good. And more importantly, I feel comfortable and at home in my own skin...

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