Monday, May 13, 2013

I had written before about what I was wanting in a relationship, and a friend emailed me, saying that his obsevration of me was not consistent with what I was claiming to want. I have been considering this deeply since that email, because I think he had some valid points. With that in mind....

What I think I want: A best friend that is also a lover in a very passionate sense. I want a deep, close, intimate bond with another person. Also, recipricocity, because----> I want and really, really need to feel safe in the relationship. I need to know that my closeness/status with the other person is secure despite challenges and changes that come along in the course of life. Equality is imperative.

What I don't want: To be controlled, constricted, and most especially, hurt, sidelined or rejected.

I was going to write that I don't want a husband/marriage partner, but the truth of that matter is that if it were important to the other party and if all other things were working, I would consider the legal protection and paperwork involved, with a LOT of caveats. The other party would have to know and accept that the realtionship would not be anything like a traditional, standard "marriage" and that the paperwork would be there primarily to assure legal protection for time/monetary/interest investment in a shared life. I've been in several relationships which involved living together with no legal protection, and I ended up losing badly twice...and there was nothing I could do about it. It sucks to expend a ton of work, or to rack up debt in a shared life together and then be left either empty handed or worse, with a huge bill. There are other aspects of legal protection which are reserved for marriage; I don't agree with the way this stuff works, but it is what it is and I can understand wanting some security in these areas.

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