Sunday, September 07, 2003

Well, so much has been going on lately, I hardly know where to begin. My birthday has come and gone; I'm another year older. The past year hasn't been an easy one for me, and it looks as though the one to come is going to involve a lot of restructuring. The time of my birthday also marks the general anniversery of my partnership- seven years now. Seven years is a long time. It's a major chunk of my life. Seven years ago, I was considering medical school. Had I done that, I'd have one more year to go before my internship (assuming I'd made it that far). I don't regret not doing that, but, three more children later, I do wish I'd taken the opportunity to go to school. I've devoted seven years of my life towards trying to make this thing work...and it isn't. The difficulties that were present at it's inception are still present for the most part, and more aggravated for having been there for that time; and then there are others that I hadn't considered or even dreamed of. I like my partner as a person. We've shared some good times together. So I honestly don't see much sense in our tormenting one another any longer, until we can't stand the sight of each other.

It's not an easy conclusion to come to, but I don't know what else to do. I've tried just about everything I can think of. Meanwhile, I've dropped all the religious dogma that made it possible to tolerate the intolerable; which makes me more assertive (difficult!) and outspoken (militant!!).

Other than that....the fair is coming right up. I've been getting ready for it; my clippers are nonfunctional, which means A: I can't clip the goats and B: therefore, there is a lot less preparing to do. I can't help wondering if it'll be the last goat show I ever go to, or maybe the last for some time, anyway. :-(

For my B-day, my friend gave me a book about the artist Aubrey Beardsley. This guy's work is very talented, and oh, so funny and entertaining. I love satire. Drawn by another artist, the subject matter might be offensive. But this guy has a way of making what should be perceived as naughty, elegant and beautiful (while still naughty, of course!). It isn't all that way, but even the 'decent' work tends to have an acid wit interwoven with stylized flowers, vines, and women. Google for'll see what I mean.

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