Thinking.....I guess I felt like you really saw me, like you understood me, really heard me, like I was a real person in your eyes. I should have known better. Things like that don't happen to me. Things like that are for other people. People who are beautiful. People who are socially adept and who have all the right answers at all the right times whether or not the answers are true or sincere.

When am I going to learn?

I looked into your eyes and I saw something there. I saw you and I loved you and I fell into those blue, blue eyes. So blue. Like falling into sky.

I say this all in the past tense.....sigh....but I love you still. If I saw you again, my heart would melt as quickly as ever, leaving me open and aching for the smallest crumb of acknowledgment that I exist, that I matter. I don't learn. My heart is stubborn and it cannot accept the way that you say things have to be. I can't accept the way things are. That you can't even stand to walk past me, to look at me, to drive past me. I cannot conceive of or accept this kind of hatred. People say I have to. I can't. It's not OK. I don't care what anyone says. It is not OK to treat me like this when the only crime I've committed is to let my heart crack like an egg....as though I could have stopped it.