The obsessive edge has finally worn off....about freaking time. I still feel the way I feel though...still don't want anyone else. Which is probably for the best, since I am wholly unready for entering into a relationship.

I've been alone since last May now...closing in on a year and haven't had any kind of romance since September? early October? And I can't say that I miss it all that much. I don't want to be smothered and controlled ever again....I just want a companion.

And then there's this: the realization that my grades went to hell in a handbasket right about the time I became single. I haven't been been able to pull them up. Is it the stress? The drive? The overwhelmingness of it all? The baggage I've been working through? Or....am I just not up to it? Maybe I'm just weak.

And this----> the truth of knowing that one of the things I liked about you was that I felt safe to be vulnerable and open. I didn't feel like I had to have armor on. And even though I wear it now as heavily as any tortoise...how I long to shed it and to just be true, to be real. :sigh: I can only do that here.