Sunday, September 30, 2012

I just realized that I feel real again! I look at my hands and move them and they don't feel foreign and distant, like objects attached to me....I am in them, I feel whole! This is wonderful. It feels so good, I could almost cry.

I don't think it's possible to really explain how nice it is to people who haven't had dissociative issues before. My body feels. It's so nice. I have struggled with dissociation for most of my adult life, particularly in relation to sex. There were complaints that I was remote and cold...but honestly, when sex is something that is being done to your body while your mind flies away to somewhere could it possibly be otherwise? This has not been an issue in my current relationship, which must be credited to an exceptionally gentle, sensitive, conscious, accepting and understanding partner...and that has been an awakening. I have been less and less dissociative more of the time which was already major progress...but this... this is wonderful. I feel alive for a change. Intensely alive. :-)

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