I need to buck up, pull myself together. You are alive, you don't hate me and it doesn't look like you're angry at me, either...although I don't know that I could blame you if you were. Things suck right now, yes...but really it is not all that bad when I look at it this way.

The therapist who passed away, the aspie psychologist that I really, really liked.....she was almost done with my psych eval when it happened. I go to see her colleague and get the eval finished up next week. She had recommended a therapy dog for me (I guess the correct term now is emotional support animal) and when I mentioned Newfoundlands as a preferred breed, she said that would be an excellent choice; apparently she had experience with related breeds and rubbed shoulders with Newfie breeders. It wouldn't have to be purebred, as long as the other breed was suitably gentle, quiet, intelligent, etc. At any rate....where was I going with this....oh yes: once the eval is done and I see the doctor I am switching to, maybe things will start to get back on track. I think it was last year that I went to my doctor and told him that I needed help, that the medication I was on was not helping, and he said that he didn't know what else he could do to help me. When one thinks about it, this is not a good thing to tell a patient who has been hovering on the edge of despair. :-/ Since then I've minimized appointments with him. I don't expect a doctor to be a saint (although my ob/gyn comes pretty damned close!) but for god's sake, telling a patient that you don't know what else to do is completely unhelpful. He could at least have given a referral if he was truly that stumped.

I know I talked about wanting to draw shells, but that was before I modeled for the figure drawing class. I still like shells, pods, enclosure type forms in nature that are evocative of maternal protection, but they will have to retreat to the back burner for a while because i have some different ideas now which are much more engaging. Hoping that between cleaning, taking abnormal psych tests and picking up children, I'll be able to explore some of this, possibly post it.