The painting is lame. Lame, lame, lame!!! It has not turned out as I wanted it to. It was the first thing I saw this morning, without my glasses. Looked at it for awhile, entertained limerent thoughts, looked at it again, and thought, hey, it looks OK- not perfect, but it has potential. Then I had to go and put the glasses on...

Called Vicki about the goats, just to make sure they were alright. It's kind of a drag to send them away just before the most exciting, rewarding time of the year: kidding season. Told her I felt terribly guilty, lke I'd abandoned them. Her reply, "Yes, you did abandon them, but you did it six months ago when you stopped taking care of them! You need to get your act together or else get rid of them!." Vicky's never been the type to tell you what you want to hear, she's pretty tactless and honest. (sidenote- for some bizarre reason, my closest, best friends are always blunt and tactless. Suppose I don't have any use for head games or trying to guess what someone else *really* thinks. Still, sometimes it's painful to have the truth shoved in your face.) I could whine, I could play helpless, but in my heart, I knew she was right, so I didn't. I didn't have the money, I didn't have dry ground for their feet, didn't have much time away from the kids so had to rush through chores and worst of all, I didn't have the heart for it when just living another day was a struggle. Yeah, I've definitely got to keep getting my act together.

I feel like an abject failure.....