Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Work: A- the gal who had me cowed and B- work in general and my failings.

A- I did a lot better tonight. I thought about this a lot last night and today, and I decided that she gets off on intimidating me and throwing her weight around. I don't need a smart assed remark- that'd just give her the fuel to hand it back to me or go and report me to someone. Besides, why in the hell should I get myself all worked up and in a bad mood just because she wants to make me miserable? See, she's winning then. For almost every previous night I've worked with her, honestly- I rarely, rarely cry, but this woman, at this very stresssful time, has had me very close to it. Want me to hate you? Do that. >:-( Can't stand losing my composure, ugh.

Anyway, like I said, life is already so stressful right now, with two jobs and five kids and not much to eat ever, half the goats gone and a C-section and noone to be close to, that I just cannot take even one more thing, and especially something this minor. In the larger scheme of things, it's peanuts, extremely trivial. So I decided to leave her alone as much as possible, work as hard as I possibly can, do the best job I can, mind my own business, and be cheerful and let it all slide off me, whatever the heck she does. I am _not_ letting her control me any longer by getting me all upset. Life's too short and I've more important things to focus on. So, :-D That's what I did. She hated it. Ohhhhh, she was mad. I was nice, I was diligent, I hummed to myself, and the pissier she got, I just acted more laidback, even if I was all tensed up inside. She left in a hissy fit, and I cheerily bade her good night. She didn't respond. *shrug* I was more productive and efficient than I've been for, maybe a week, since I wasn't fuming and cringing and hesitating all the time. :rolling eyes:

B- This is more of a problem. I was late the day of the C-section. There was nothing, NOTHING, short of letting the doe die, that I could do about that. Nothing at all. Yesterday, I found out at the last minute that I'd have to find a babysitter for three children, and not one of the daycares or people nearby could be found to do it. Closest person who would was Vicky, 30-40 miles away. The back road is supposed to be faster, shorter? Arrrgh...it was not. It took forever, the car got hot, I got lost... By the time I finally found her and sped off to work (the main and supposedly longer route) I was about 45 minutes late. They all gave me strange and blank looks when I said I;d gotten lost taking the kids to the sitter....back roads, OK? I'd never driven that route before and had forgotten a small segment of it. Today, I went to the job in Sandpoint, about 30 miles away, and worked there from noon to 3:00. (They're flexible while I'm training. Anything at all counts.) Part of the initiation into this job involves checking over my car- brakes, lights, blinkers, etc. I left the lights on afterwards....that battery was dead as a flattened toad. Work at the deli started at 4:00, and here I am, 30 miles away, at 3:15-3:30, getting uptight because I had planned to be punctual...alas. The other employee's cars could not jump me, Les Schwab had to be called. I didn't get that car on the road until 3:40. Went 55-60 all the way (well, when the speed limit and traffic allowed it), but was still almost half an hour late. The guy who hired me said my lateness appeared to be a habit...I wanted to crawl under the table...I tried to explain, but the undeniable fact is that I was late, very late, for three days in a row. I think they could forgive the C section, but after that it became a problem. That guy is nice, I respect him; it really sucks to look like a flake and a loser. The thing is, i've replayed all three of these scenes over in my mind, and short of turning off the lights and taking the main route to Vicky's, I don't know what else I could have done. I certainly planned to be there on time, but crap happens. Why does it always happen to me...

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