Thursday, November 17, 2011

I still feel adrift in a sea of inertia.

What I have got to do is to make a list of goals and then start working towards them. In all honesty, there hasn't been much that I cared enough about to really make any goals....nothing mattered. But now the fog has broken in places, so that I can see patches of blue now and then. Last night, you were there in my dreams, not just a presence, but walking around and saying funny things again, making me laugh. :-) It was only a dream, but god, I have missed that, possibly more than anything else.

Anyway, where was I here: goals. Right. I have to make goals. Such as:

  • Finishing my associates degree and possibly transferring to LCSC for the 4 year degree
  • And or apprenticing to either a potter or an organic farmer who will let me grow my own stuff or pay me. I don't need to learn what weeds look like, been there, done that. I am OK with working, but would like to have something more to show for it than muscles (will be nice to be in better shape). However, if I found an organic orchardist to work with, I would gladly work quite a bit more (for free, I mean) than I would for say, a market gardener...mostly because I already know about growing annual vegetable crops.
  • I want to pass that math class with at least a C and preferably a B.
  • To have a place to fire pottery (that doesn't cost an arm and a leg!).....
  • Pay off a couple of debts
  • Ideally, I'd like to find a place to live where I can at least have a few chickens. If not this year, then in a couple years.
  • I want to continue minimizing the stuff that I have, and to be more self sustaining than I currently am.
  • It would be really great if I could get a job, even a part time job, that I could keep, that wouldn't stress me out past being able to function once I get home. I don't really care what the job pays (health insurance would be great though) or whether it utilizes my full capabilities.....but it does need to be fairly low stress and moderately interesting.
  • And...I want to keep working on the trauma issues that have been giving me hell and become a more functional person. Because frankly, this is embarrassing, and my kids need me to be more functional.

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