The abortion debate is making me realize how profoundly the topic has affected my childhood and the way I relate to people. A child should not grow up being told that they were an accident, that they were almost aborted, that they should be grateful.... The message I got was that they were ambivalent about having me in their life and weren't sure I'd been worth the trouble, that I wasn't really wanted, that I was disposable. And wouldn't you know it, these are the exact same feelings I struggle with today. Why would someone tell a little kid that? Why? I mean, with graphic pictures and descriptions of what would have happened and everything?
I can see clearly where this stuff came from. I can see clearly that no child, including myself, should be subjected to that. What I cannot seem to do is to stop it from hurting, to stop it from repeating itself over and over and over again until every single human interaction I have is fraught with the anxiety of being rejected. It's turned into a never ending nightmare, and I don't know what to do to make it stop.