Why do I act aloof when I'm scared? Why do I act a lot of ways that don't match the way I feel? I'm so much like my father in that way, the same facade, the same preoccupation with trying to retain dignity (sort of a lost cause at this point, I think?), saving face, etc. :-/

But....it could be worse. I could be more like my mother. Between the two of them, I suppose Dad is the better role model.

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So, how do I want to act? Authentically? Haven't I been told I can't do that? Besides, showing that one is still quite vulnerable is scary. I don't know for sure how I want to present myself, not only in one area or situation, but in general, that would be both authentic and enable me to feel secure. Don't all people put on an act? Observe, please, how differently the same person can act in different situations. Most people do this and I find it confusing.