This was an emotionally grueling day. I am so glad to be home. I got through it without screaming at the top of my lungs, making any phone calls to people for help, inflicting any sort of harm or crying in front of people. Also, minimal stimming, no tics, and no nausea.

Why? I am not really sure. It just sort of came up and hit me. Nothing happened to precipitate it. It was like my mind went to the most depressing, unpleasant memory banks, dragged painful stuff out, and then spent an hour building off of that and making it even worse. And then I went to work and was reasonably functional as long as the music was going, but things just got progressively more frustrating and difficult. It is my Friday. I don't have to work tomorrow. That is such a relief.

Part of the problem might be that I need to take a break from Brandi Carlile. Yes, it is cathartic. Yes, her voice is lovely. Yes, it's even better when played loud. And yes, these songs are almost as sad as I am and do nothing at all towards redirecting depressing thoughts. Yo-Yo Ma? Peter Paul and Mary? I have to find something else to listen to for a while.