Saturday, October 15, 2011

Love is not the best word for what I have been experiencing. Although there is a strong element of love, in our culture, love encompasses everything from being horny to having a crush on someone to being involved and fond of one another to the sort of ferocity of commitment that would induce someone to jump in front of a train to push their beloved out of its path. This one word is used in such a common way that it loses all meaning. It is movable like water, shifting and changing and alterable, flowing one way one moment and a different way the next.

Obsession doesn't cut it either, because obsessions are pathological and typically uncontrollable and lead to dangerous behavior.

Imprinting. That is the best explanation I can come up with. I don't mean imprinting as depicted in the cheesy Twilight books.... More like....throughout our life and particularly in childhood, people make impressions on us. We develop bonds with people. Traits associated with those people have lasting positive connotations for us. And then at some point, you meet someone who has this magical combination of those traits, whose mannerisms and quirks and strengths and flaws feel just right. There is enough of what is familiar to feel comfortable, enough of what resonates with ones own values, interests, etc to make that person seem absolutely irreplaceable and enough difference to provide for mystery, curiosity and interest.

And up until this point, I think most people would be able to relate to this and say, "yeah yeah, that's also called falling in love". But with me, for some odd reason, maybe because I've lost most of the people who were the original bearers of the traits and qualities I value...this doesn't happen very often for me, it scares me to death when it does happen, it doesn't require physical contact and it's fairly irreversible and deeply embedded.

And now, friends, I have to go harvest various things and plant garlic. Maybe with luck, I will get to split some wood today as well.

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