So much of the past year is just a haze. I only remember the sharp, angry things, the stabbing, gut wrenching pain things....and.....the beautiful things. The things that I would go through all of that all over again for.

Perhaps this is foolish of me.

But I am grateful to have been able to feel these things, however hopelessly. And I cannot find it within myself to be angry. I wish I had handled things better than I did....I wish I had been more careful for your sake. Wish I had been more patient, more cautious, more restrained.

But if life were rewound a year back, I would fall for you even if I knew....and make no mistake, I knew. I knew what sort of pain was ahead of me, but pain fades and...the beautiful things, they don't fade. I have them always in my mind.