Why do I act so hostile? I don't feel hostile, I just hurt. I think this is a defense mechanism......i know that no matter what I do, you are never, ever, going to talk to me again. I give up. There's nothing I can do. This hurts me more than anything else in my life ever has. Pain is not rational. I would give or do anything at all to change the way things are, but it's beyond my hands, and I've already broken myself in half trying to find the answers.

I don't want to feel afraid when I see you. I don't want that adrenaline rush. If nothing else, If nothing else, just to be able to be in the same general area without that sense of (this is a person who cannot stand the sight, sound, of me. This is the only person in the world who has the power to crush me into even smaller pieces, and I have no defense at all against him, because.....because....I am weak.....)

There is no strength here....not like you said.

You must have known...you must have known....that you were going to do this.

I am not angry at you. I am not hostile. Just...wounded to the point of insensibility and not wanting to hurt any worse.