I think of the emails that I wrote and those hurt me almost as much as the one that I received. It's not smart to react and write something that can't be taken back. I was so scared...and I guess I thought that the solution was to try to pull the hook out if I could. I knew it would hurt, but I thought it would be like ripping the corner of my mouth open. Somehow I missed that I'd swallowed that hook so deeply that there's no way to get it out without ripping me apart. I knew that I loved you more than anyone before you (after is unfathomable), but I didn't know that my every breath would become a silent plea, an unspoken ache.

I had no idea.