It was still dirty after the first washing so rather than rinse it I opted to give it more time in a batch of fresh soapy water. The first round of wash water had turned a deep brown (yuck) and the fleece...I had thought it was shades of beige and off white, but it is turning this lovely white with gray shading! I guess the beige was just the dirt!

and.....

Sometimes I feel so vulnerable, so fragile, and I hate feeling like that. And yet....I guess that one has to be vulnerable in order to feel close to someone. You can't have one without the other. And never have I felt this open, like a turtle without a shell. It scares me......but. I can't help it. I have to choose the fear, the defenselessness because if I choose the shell, the armor, I don't know if I'll ever be truly happy again. I'd never have the guts to risk taking it off again so I'd always be alone no matter who I was with.

I felt so safe....it was just...gosh I don't even know how to describe it. It was like coming home- to what home should be- for the first time in my life and feeling perfectly comfortable there.